Another Tomorrow

2011-12-14T11:05:00.005-07:00

Remember when I had a blog and I used to actually write on it? And then I got lame and completely stopped for like 8 months.
And now probably no one even reads it anymore but I suddenly got an urge to start writing again?
I'll fill you in with the quick version of where I've been the past 6 months. It all started with a temple trip around the northern United States with Angie. From Blanding to Billings to Bismark to St. Paul to Chicago to Detroit to Palmyra to Boston to Manhattan to DC. Then back across to Columbus to Nauvoo to St. Louis to Winter Quarters to Denver. It took a month. A really fun month.
Then I got back and decided to accept a counseling job in Monument Valley. Same job, same kids, new school. This is pretty much the view from my nice huge office.

It's okay, obviously.

Then once school started, I decided I might as well start dating someone and met Tom.
This is Tom:

He is okay too. I kinda like him a lot.

That has pretty much been keeping me busy. Work and a boyfriend.

I do have some good stories from this year so maybe I'll actually update this a little more frequently. Because who knows what could happen in the next 6 months of my life.

2011-05-03T14:50:00.001-06:00

This is Alaska:

It looks cold, doesn't it?

I'm thinking about applying for a job there and then I think...am I crazy??

Do I really want to leave good old Blanding Utah and head somewhere even more remote?

Am I ready to say goodbye to a place that has become my home in the past 3 years?

Do I even have a choice since I have no idea if I will actually have a job here?

Have I mentioned that I hate making decisions?

2011-05-02T13:41:00.002-06:00

I'm struggling with the fact that it isn't summer yet.

And that it is still cold in southern Utah.

And that I'm at work instead of still in bed.

Summer can't come soon enough.

I'm a Dreamer...

2011-04-19T08:37:00.002-06:00

Yep, I'm a dreamer. I've always had pretty intense and vivid dreams. As far back as I can remember, I can remember dreaming. (Remind me to tell you my orange soda dream one day).

Last night was no exception. And I remember them fairly clearly. Maybe because I slept so poorly due to allergies and an eye infection and a thunderstorm.

But sleeping poorly isn't really the point, the point is that my dreams were weird. And to prove just how weird I dream, I will tell you the two most vivid dreams I remember from last night.

Dream 1:

I was hanging out with friends. Not weird because I'm always hanging out with friends. Except that we were hanging out in a ginormous tree house. The house was actually inside of the tree and had multiple rooms. So there we are hanging out and singing karaoke (because why wouldn't I be singing karaoke inside of a tree??). Then one of my friends suddenly gets down on one knee and proposes to me. And I say yes and put on this gorgeous huge yellow diamond ring. When I woke up, I sitll felt like I had that huge rock on my finger. And ya know what else-as soon as I had that ring on my finger, I realized I loved this guy.

Too bad in real life he is already married. We might have had a future there somewhere :)

So I'm in love and have a huge beautiful ring. Nice dream. Now on to...

Dream 2:

I walk into a house. A super nice house with a lovely dining room table all decorated for some kind of party. And I realize the party is for me. Yeah! I look around and realize that all of my friends and family are there. Yeah again! We sit down to this beautiful dinner and we are all eating and talking and having a lovely time. I go into the kitchen with my aunt to refill drinks for everyone when I turn to her and tell her that I am dying. And that toinght is my last night. She starts crying, I start crying. People hear us and wander into the kitchen. I announce to everyone that I won't be around much longer and suddenly I am angry and scared and sad.

Apparently my friends and family were a little scared of this announcement so they all left. Except for 2 lovely friends who decided they better stay with me in my last few hours. One of my friends tries to give me some sleeping pills to help me calm down and drift uneventfully into the next life. Except the pills appear to have the opposite effect and I'm wide awake and even more scared. The dream ends with me taking my last few breaths.

Now I just need someone to tell me what these dreams mean...

These are a few of my favorite things...

2011-04-12T11:17:00.011-06:00

Just to remind me that there is plenty to be thankful for...

My cute nephew Osborne who just had his first birthday.

Spring...and spring flowers!

Happy memories of Hawaii.

The beautiful country that I live in.

Friends who keep me grounded.

A reminder that there is a plan for me and someone who is making sure that plan will unfold how and when it is supposed to.

When a ? looms larger than an !

2011-04-07T09:20:00.001-06:00

I've been stressed lately. My doctor will surely not be happy that my stress hormones have peaked once again.

But it can't be helped.

Because I may or may not have received a letter saying that the funding for elementary counselors has been cut.

Good ole budget cuts.

So now I need to decide what to do with my life. Which I would have to say is one of the most stressful things in the world.

I can go anywhere, do anything, whatever I choose to do. The only problem is that with a million different opportunities, things tend to just get more stressful to me.

Because I want to make sure I'm in the right place at the right time. That I'm exactly where I need to be.

And while lots of people think I'm crazy for saying this-most the time I feel like right here-in the middle of nowhere-is where I need to be.

So do I wait around and hope a job becomes available (which people higher up than me seem to think is a good possibility) or do I bite the bullet and move somewhere new, try something else?

I keep trying to get someone to tell me what to do but no one will...but I'll ask one more time for good measure. What should I be doing?

2011-03-23T13:12:00.009-06:00

Sorry I've been m.i.a. for awhile.

Could be because I spent some time here...

St. George, UT temple

And here...

Las Vegas, NV temple

Also here...

Relands, CA temple

Plus a little jaunt here...

Los Angeles, CA temple

Another stop here...

Newport Beach, CA temple

And one last stop here...

San Diego, CA temple

My friends and I may have spent spring break on a little southern Utah/Vegas/southern California temple tour.

I may just try to post some picture of us actually there. But I'm not making any promises.

If I had to vote...

2011-03-03T13:18:00.003-07:00

I may or may not constantly be trying to convince my cousins that I am their favorite.

And if we had a family council and a vote for favorite cousin came up, I like to think that I'd come out victorious.

I'll try to poll the cousins at our next family reunion and let you know how I do.

Where I've been

2011-03-02T12:14:00.002-07:00

"A new experience can be extremely pleasurable, or extremely irritating, or somewhere in between, and you never know until you try it out."
— Lemony Snicket

When I was about 15, I remember being at church and talking with the other girls about when we would get married and have children. I think we even wrote down our guesses so we could look back one day and see how close we were.

I'm pretty sure that everyone thought I would be married when I was 21. And when I was 21, I'm positive that I thought I would be married by the time I was 25 and when I was 25, I was sure I would be married by the time I turned 29. And here I am, 2 months away from turning 29 and my life is nowhere close to where I had imagined it would be.

Am I disappointed that my life is so different than my 15 year old self imagined it? Sometimes. Am I scared that my life might never turn out the way I want it to? Yep. But would I take back any of the experiences that I've had in the past 14 years? Absolutely not.

If I would have been married at 21 (or even at 25 for that matter), I probably would have never gone to grad school, or vacationed in Hawaii, or traveled the US so extensively, or moved to Blanding, or met the amazing people I have. I would have missed out on so many things that have made me who I am.

Three years ago, I would have never dreamed that I would be living in small town Utah, working on the Indian reservation. But I will always remember the feeling that I got as I drove from Salt Lake to Mexican Hat. The feeling that I was home.

That maybe for the first time in my life, I was exactly where I was supposed to be when I was supposed to be there.

So while my life might be different than I planned, I'm grateful to know that the plan for my life is still right on track.

2011-03-01T15:14:00.002-07:00

Has it really been 2 weeks since I wrote last??

It's probably a combination of being super busy and yet having nothing blog-worthy to write about.

At least that is how it has felt lately.

But this week I will blog (and consequently try to find things to do to make my life a little more interesting so that you won't die of boredom reading this).

Another goal...take more dang pictures. Because I know you want to see more of me and my life!

For now I just wanted you to know that I'm still alive. And expect more from me very soon :)

It's time for an intervention.

2011-02-16T13:55:00.003-07:00

Dear World,

Remember the days before cell phones and ipods and computers and texting and im'ing and emailing and facebook and dvd's and even blogging?

Remember when you used to communicate with people by actually having a face to face conversation? When you used to sit in a room with people and talk without being interrupted by ringtones and beeps? I miss those days.

I miss the days when I used to be able to talk to people and have them look me in the eyes. When a night out with friends meant that you got their undivided attention. Somedays I actually miss being technology free.

My own obsession with technology started slowly. I didn't have the internet at home until my junior year of high school. But once it came, along came emailing and im'ing. And I remember at least two important high school conversations taking place over the computer rather than in person. Then came college.

I still remember the day when I sat 500 feet away from a friend and im'd them instead of talked to them. It's when I first realized technology could pose a threat.

Then came the cell phone. A year later, texting. A couple years after that, an ipod. A laptop. A touch ipod with internet capabilities. Myspace. Facebook.

A million things that can distract me from real human relationships.

I vow to stop letting my cell phone conversations distract me from real conversations. I vow to call instead of text (at least some of the time). I vow to only chat on facebook when I don't have anyone "real" to chat with.

And I think some of you, world, should vow to do the same. Because I'm tired of having only half of your attention. I'm tired of hanging out with my friends and their cell phones.

I want a little piece of the "before technology" world back.

The end.

2011-02-14T08:44:00.003-07:00

I'm usually not a big celebrator of Valentine's Day. Mostly because in the past 28 years, I've been single on Valentine's Day for 26 of them. And who wants to celebrate a day of being in love when you aren't.

I don't normally throw anti-Valentine's Day parties, or cry myself to sleep or shoot arrows back at cupid. I do what I do best...I ignore that the day even exists.

That way I don't feel too sorry for my lonesome self :)

But this year I decided that I would not ignore the day and I would not feel sorry for myself and I would not let my friends feel sorry for themselves either.

So I made some cute little homemade Valentine's and some delicious homemade sugar cookies. I wrote thoughtful little notes. And I decided that I would deliver some love to the friends around town that I love best.

And you know what? Valentine's Day seemed a whole lot more fun. I even wore a pink shirt in celebration.

Even though I might not have that "special someone" in my life just yet, I have a whole lot of people that I love that I can celebrate with instead.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Baby It's Cold Outside

2011-02-02T10:40:00.002-07:00

The weather outside right now...9 degrees. But it feels like a balmy -5.

And guess who currently doesn't have heat or hot water in their house?

Of course our heater would break on the coldest days of the year. And of course our pipes would consequently freeze.

I know I shouldn't complain because there are people far worse off than me but...

I really hate the cold.

2011-01-31T11:00:00.002-07:00

Monday morning thoughts...

1. This summer I'm totally going to NYC and then making a stop at Carlos' Bakery. Because I love Cake Boss and his totally awesome skills at making huge and extravegant cakes.

2. Speaking of this summer, have I mentioned that I'm taking a super long road trip with my roomie? Because I am. And if you live anywhere outside of Utah and in the northern half of the United States, don't be surprised if I call asking if you'd like some couch surfers for a night :)

3. I thought I would like contacts a whole lot more than I actually do. I love not having to actually wear glasses and I love being able to wear sunglasses and headbands again. And I love that it is mostly just like having good eyes again. But I so don't love that my eyes are really dry and sometimes my vision is cloudy. Is that normal?

4. I just got back from a wedding and I thought-I need to write down all the people whose wedding's I have attended so that when **positive thoughts to the universe** I get married, I can send all of them announcements to my wedding and get some nice presents back in return.

5. Does that make me selfish that I want to get presents in return for all of the presents that I have gifted?

6. I didn't wash my hair this morning and it saved me a good 25 minutes and miracle of miracles, it doesn't look horrible.

7. I don't like Monday's. I'm ready for Tuesday.

2011-01-26T13:13:00.003-07:00

I've been feeling kinda blah lately. I haven't been satisfied with the way I look or the way I do my job or my relationships with other people.

I've been feeling a lot of the not good enough blues.

Which probably, most likely, definitely stem from me comparing myself to other people instead of just appreciating who I am.

Then I taught relief society on Sunday and while I was teaching I thought, enough is enough. I need to change my attitude.

So this week I have focused on changing the things I can and letting go of everything else.

I've worked hard to make my prayers more meaningful and consistent along with my scripture study.

I got contacts. Because even though people thought I looked fine with glasses and some people like me better with glasses, I felt like I wasn't pretty. And why suffer with thinking I don't look pretty with something that is so easy to change? So contacts are in.

Today I pick up my prescription for accutane so I can finally forever be rid of my oily skin and lovely breakouts. I can't wait for a few months when it will be finished!

And I've been waking up and actually getting ready for work. Picking out cute outfits and making sure my hair and make-up are done.

And guess what? My attitude really has improved. I've stopped talking down to myself and (tried) to stop comparing myself to others. I'm trying to use my self-talk to focus on what I do well instead of the things that I need to work on.

It's a constant battle but I'll take a small victory.

2011-01-20T08:33:00.008-07:00

Guess how many nieces/nephews I had exactly three years ago from today...

If you happened to guess zero, you would be right on.

Then these two were finally adopted into our family...

And right after that, Brandon decided to have one of his own and he and Jessica welcomed this one into the world...

And a year later almost to that day, Chelsey and Chris decided to jump on the wagon and welcomed this little redheaded one...

Then Brittany was feeling a little left out, so she and Jerry had this sweet one 4 months later...

Around this time, Brandon and Jessica were thinking maybe they needed another one, so another 4 months later and...

Then Chelsey and Chris decided they might as well go for round 2, so 7 months later we were introduced to this one...

And you can guess who had some big news over Christmas. Brittany and Jerry are expecting again.

Oh wait, except to beat out the competition they figured they might as well go for 2 at once. That's right people, we have some twins on the way.

Welcome nieces/nephews 8 and 9.

Happy Wednesday Thoughts

2011-01-19T09:20:00.006-07:00

1. My car is finished! And back in my hands! And beautiful. It took 8 weeks and a lot of tears and stress but it's officially over.

2. I may or may not be reconsidering my career as a counselor and thinking maybe I should become a professional cake decorator. My first attempt at decorating a cake (with some help of course)...

3. I got great news from my sister Brittany...which I'll share with you soon :)

4. I most definitely have the most beautiful and perfect nieces and nephews. Meet the youngest one, Cassidy.

5. I picked out a talk for my Relief Society lesson (President Uchtdorf's talk "Of Things That Matter Most" and realized after reading it that it is totally all about simplifying! Yeah for further inspiration that I have chosen the right word for the year.

6. I am wearing my feather owl necklace, which always makes me smile.

Happy Wednesday!

2011-01-14T08:55:00.003-07:00

My car is fixed! Mostly

It looks like I'll have my own car back on Monday. Fingers crossed

Two months without a car really makes you appreciate how nice it is to have one of your own-the freedom and power that comes with having a car to yourself. Just pray that my car lasts years without having to get anymore repairs.

So in celebration of having my car back (almost) and in simplifying my life, I have decided to finish my monthly music countdown. Which has taken me 3.5 months to complete. But complete it I will!

Day 28 - A song that makes you feel guilty

This song makes me feel guilty for all the times that I haven't treated people the way I should have. For all the people that I should have reached out to and befriended and didn't.

Day 29 - A song from your childhood

Day 30 - Your favorite song at this time last year

I love the line "every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end". Perfect for starting out a new year.

And I'm done! Something to cross off my list. Hooray!

2011-01-12T12:57:00.003-07:00

Don't worry, I'm sick again. This time with a completely unwelcome cold that primarily involves congestion and runny noses and sneezing fits. Plus some over active tear ducts thrown in.

But I'll take a cold any day of the week over a nasty stomach flu so I'm surviving. Plus I have to be at work this week anyway since I took all of last week off so I have no choice to survive.

And speaking of surviving-I've been taking many trips to the doctor lately to see if they can figure out what is wrong with me (even though maybe it would actually take a trip to a psychiatrist to truly figure out what is wrong with me!). To make a long story short-I have stomach problems that have been plaguing me for years and on top of that I have some beautiful pitting edema (swelling that leaves imprints when pressed in) on my legs. Which apparently is not a good thing. Who knew?

The truth is that they have no idea what is wrong and I just keep getting more blood work to find out a whole lot of nothing. Except that my doctor did just inform me that my stress hormone is really high.

Could it be from working too much? Commuting long hours to work? Not knowing what is going on with my body? Drama with friends? The uncertainty of the future?

Probably all of those. But in an effort to have a better year this year than last year, I decided that I need to figure out a way to de-stress.

So I turned to one of my very favorite blogs found here.

Bekah has been my friends for years and years. Definitely my friend who I have kept contact with the longest. She is strong and smart and kind and creative and loving. Basically an example of the kind of person I want to "grow up" to be!

And I noticed whilst reading her blog that she picked out a word for the year. A word to focus on and work on. A word that means something to her.

Since making new year's resolutions always stress me out a little (or realizing that I failed to complete them yet again stresses me out a lot) and I am on strict doctor's orders not to stress, I decided that this year I would also pick a word. Just one word that I can work on.

And my word is:

And don't worry, right after I chose the word, I walked into a store and it was the first word that I saw. How is that for reinforcement/divine intervention?

This year I'm working on simplifying my life-my relationships, my thoughts, my goals, my house. Everything.

I think it's finally a resolution I can stick with.

2011-01-07T08:34:00.002-07:00

Christmas was wonderful. I got to see all of my immediate family and a good portion of my extended family. Plus they all came to Utah this year so I didn't even have to worry about driving the 6 hours to an airport and then flying the 5 hours across country. Instead I just had to worry about the driving part. Except it was more like front seat riding part because my car is still not fixed (I know, I know...we are coming on 7 weeks on Tuesday from when I hit the deer. The joys of living in a small town). But I made it.

And it was fun. Until all the kids started getting the stomach flu.

Then guess what came to visit me on Saturday night? A nice little flu bug. Which has lasted pretty much this whole week. But finally today I'm feeling like myself. I'm up. And showered. And at work. So I would say I'm officially on the mend.

Hooray!

Which means you will be seeing more of me around this blog (hopefully). And I have big plans. Just you wait.

2010-12-23T12:01:00.002-07:00

You can thank my laundry, my broken washing machine, the wii, the internet, friends, family, packing, wrapping presents and last minute shopping on my lack of posts lately.

I don't think I've slept more than 5 hours per night in the past 1.5 weeks. And I function best on 9. So I've been living in a half awake/half asleep dream world.

The good news is that today is the last day of work! And after work I head up north where I get to see both my parents, my siblings and their families. Plus my extended family and some friends thrown in there too.

So I can pretty much guarantee that you won't hear from me until the new year.

Have a very lovely Christmas and an even better end to 2010.

2010-12-21T09:11:00.002-07:00

I sat in church last Sunday and listened to a beautiful Christmas program. There are some incredibly talented people in the world. People who can sing and play the piano and who can master anything musical. It makes me so jealous that I don't have any of those obvious talents.

I took piano lessons for years...and I can barely play the easiest of songs.

But, I did play the flute for about 4 years. And I still break it out occasionally to see if I can still handle the basics. I was never great. But I was good enough. And I did learn a few songs...

Day 26 - A song that you can play on an instrument

And if I ever do get around to mastering the piano. You better believe that this is the song I want to be able to play...

Day 27 - A song that you wish you could play

2010-12-20T08:59:00.002-07:00

I live in a haunted house.

A really, truly haunted house.

I used to think that maybe it really wasn't haunted or that maybe I was going crazy but recent events have led me to believe that it is, in fact, haunted.

Now those of you that know me in "the real world" may be tempted not to believe me. You might be thinking about how much I love haunted houses and how much I love telling stories. And you may start to think that I am exaggerating a little. This was my mother's response when I told her.

But for those of you that are skeptical, I'm telling you that it isn't just a story. And, ironically, turns out I really don't enjoy living in a haunted house after all those years of talking about how much I loved haunted houses.

The thing is-it's creepy hearing weird noises or people talking or people walking around and shutting doors-it's creepy when you hear those things and you know that no one is upstairs. It's even creepier when you verify that there is no one upstairs by sending up boys with their guns to search the whole house (closets and showers included) just to make sure that someone hadn't snuck in at some point to scare us.

Our haunting started quite a few months ago when we heard very distinct and loud footsteps from upstairs. And no one was up there.

We tried to brush it off. Until a week later when we hear more footsteps. Then I got freaked out.

But then our ghost was quiet for awhile. Except that over Thanksgiving a picture may have been flung off the wall. And then more footsteps and doors shutting when no one was home. And then a little encounter where a voice was actually heard.

I'm not sure yet how I connect my strong religious beliefs with haunted houses. If you would have asked me a year ago, I would have told you that there is no way that ghosts really exist to come haunt people. But this year, I'm convinced somehow that they do.

I'll keep you posted. And just so you know, I'm still surviving despite knowing that I live with a ghost.

2010-12-16T09:09:00.002-07:00

Remember how in the past two days I received a check for over $6000 and a medical bill for over $700. The bad news is that the check I received is all for my lovely deer damanged, still not fixed car. And the medical bill is all mine to pay.

If only that 6600 dollars was just for me to pay off my nice little bill and my school loans and car loans and old credit card debt. If only. Unfortunately not the case. But at least I have a little bit in savings that can pay off most of my medical bills and the rest of that debt will have to wait for another day and another paycheck.

Now enough complaining, I'm still working on remaining upbeat with positive vibes. So here is a song that always makes me laugh. Love it.

Day 25 - A song that makes you laugh

2010-12-15T13:13:00.002-07:00

I'm tired today. Really, really tired.

I went to bed at a decent time and slept great but I've been so exhausted all day. I'm ready for the weekend. Or Christmas break. Or summer break.

But since it seems that none of those things can happen immediately, I'll settle with taking a little 3 minute break and sharing two more songs with you.

First off, a song I want played at my wedding, when I get married (positive vibes, positive vibes). And speaking of weddings, if any of you out there happen to know of an amazing man who is currently single and in need of a wife, send him my way. Because when we get married, you'll get to hear this song:

Day 23 - A song that you want to play at your wedding

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xsOQ1HD09Gs

Unfortunately, it won't let me embed the video but trust me, it's worth going to!

And speaking of future events, one day you'll just have to go to my funeral. Hopefully one day far in the future. But when you show up to that one, you just might hear this (I can't promise this one since I obviously won't be present to make sure it happens):

Day 24 - A song that you want to play at your funeral

2010-12-14T10:09:00.003-07:00

My days have been full. My life has been busy.

Since I haven't been posting, here's a small update on what's been going on in my life starting way back before Thanksgiving:

1. An incident with a deer that has managed to still render my car incapacitated. I'm hoping that I'll have a car back by January but I'm not holding my breath.

2. Two lovely visits up north to see my mom and meet my lovely niece Cassidy.

3. Christmas decorating, Christmas shopping, Christmas cookie making, Christmas movie watching. Christmas.

4. A visit from Heidi, one of my favorite people in the world, and a lovely time playing games (including way too much guitar hero).

5. Commuting and working which takes up a good majority of my day.

The good news is that even though I've been busy, life has been good. I've been sending out positive vibes to the universe hoping that positive things will happen to me. No more talks of "ifs" but of "whens". I'm planning for the future and I know it will be amazing. Good things are coming.

And just so you don't think I give up on everything I do in life, here are a few more of my faves (and not so favorite) songs...

Day 18 - A song that you wish you heard on the radio

Day 19 - A song from your favorite album

Day 20 - A song that you listen to when you’re angry

Day 21 - A song that you listen to when you’re happy

Day 22 - A song that you listen to when you’re sad

Garth Brooks-If Tomorrow Never Comes

2010-12-01T14:09:00.003-07:00

I woke up before my alarm this morning. And for about five seconds I was super proud of myself. Until I realized that I woke up before my alarm because my stomach wasn't feeling so hot. And then I ran to the bathroom and dry heaved for like 5 minutes. If I thought there was a chance I was pregnant, I would totally think I was. Except that there is not a chance. So no explanation for the morning sickness.

But I was very proud of myself because despite my morning wake up call, I still came to work. And worked a full day (or at least in another 50 minutes it will be a full day). A day full of 6th grade drama and gossiping and name calling. And I survived.

So my reward for surviving? Day 17! I hear this song almost every day on the one radio station that I can get on my way to work. And ya know what? I like this song. And the video.

Day 17 - A song that you hear often on the radio

2010-11-30T13:31:00.002-07:00

Remember how I started my song countdown a few weeks (okay fine...months) ago and never finished. Well since one of my goals is to finish what I start, welcome back to my list of my favorite-and not so favorite-songs.

I may have paused in the countdown because day 15 was really hard for me. Have you ever tried to think of a song that describes you? Cause it's hard. And so this was the best I could do, enjoy...I'll Stand By You.

Day 15 - A song that describes you

And for your viewing/listening pleasure, also enjoy a song I used to love but now I hate.

PS...don't judge me for previously liking Boys II Men
PPS...don't judge me for rethinking that I hate this song. Because now that I listen to it again, I'm starting to appreciate it all over again.

Day 16 - A song that you used to love but now hate

2010-11-29T10:40:00.002-07:00

As is usual in my life (and especially in my blogging), I'm behind. It is now November 29, four days past Thanksgiving and I'm just getting my "I'm thankful for..." list ready.

But don't worry, even though I haven't made an official list, it has been on my mind a lot lately. In fact, I even made thankful turkey hands with the kids at school during one of my lessons last week. I don't want you to think that I am a completely ungrateful person.

Even still, I better post it on here to give credit where credit is due.

1. My beautiful new niece Cassidy who is tiny and perfect.
2. All of my other nieces and nephews who are also perfect and adorable and amazingly smart. They all have such different personalities and it is so much fun to see those come out as they get older.
3. Getting to see my mom and spend a couple days with her over Thanksgiving break. I love shopping with her and just being there. She's my hero.
4. Knowing that my family will all be together for Christmas. I'm looking forward to it so much.
5. My bff's...I have so many wonderful and amazing people in my life who inspire me to be better.
6. A good car that can mostly survive a deer hit. And that completely protected me from being harmed from that aforementioned deer hit. I feel so incredibly thankful that I wasn't harmed and that my car will eventually be as good as new.
7. A wonderfully talented sister who doubles as my hair stylist and cuts some pretty awesome bangs.
8. A little 2nd grader who walks in and the first thing she says is, "You look beautiful today Miss Camille." Who wouldn't be thankful for that kind of positive reinforcemtn?
9. And speaking of work-I'm thankful for the 5th graders who made me a poster and slipped it under my office door saying-thank you for helping us with our problems. So cute.
10. Okay, I'm thankful for all the little kids that I work with. Being a counselor in an elementary school is probably the closest I'll ever feel to being a celebrity. It's amazing to walk into a room and to see everyone's eyes light up. There's nothing like it.
11. My super comfortable bed (thanks also go to my mother who bought me the super comfortable bed).
12. Diet Coke-which out with I might never survive a day.
13. The internet where I'll be doing the majority of my Christmas shopping this year.
14. The great Savers right by my sister's house where I got a super cute coat for $15 and an almost brand new pair of Nike snow boots for $10 and an awesome vintage jingle bell wreath for $7.
15. The way that skinny jeans make my legs look so skinny :) I never tried a pair before because I thought skinny jeans were made for people who are skinny. And that would be something I'm not. But Chelsey convinced me to buy a pair at Old Navy for $15 and turns out, they look pretty darn good. I may be in love.
16. The fact that my Christmas shopping is going to make me bankrupt because it means that I'm surrounded by so many people that I love.
17. The beautiful Christmas trees (that's right...multiple trees) that are up in our house now and my Willowtree nativity which is also up. Christmas makes me happy.

I could keep going but I better save some of my thoughts for another day. It will motivate me to blog more often.

2010-11-09T14:16:00.003-07:00

My life has been busy and exhausting lately. Thus the lack of posts.

But I am still alive.

Barely.

I'm excited for a week where I get to see my sister and cute niece and some of my very best friends.

And a week away from my usual life where maybe there will be less stress and more time to sleep.

I'm hoping at least.

2010-11-02T09:10:00.003-06:00

Remember how I love Halloween?

I loved my costume (it's a peacock for those of you that can't tell), I loved decorating my haunted house, I loved hanging out with friends and meeting new people. Love, love, love.

2010-10-28T08:34:00.002-06:00

I may or may not have fallen out of bed this morning. And by may or may not have, I mean I did. That's right people, I am 28.5 years old and I still fall out of my bed. It was a good wake up call though, so I got my butt out of bed at 5:30 a.m. which actually gave me enough time to get ready (good since it's picture day today at school) and even to shave (good since I have a dr appt today and I need him to look at my legs).

And you know what else, falling out of bed actually made me laugh. I was laying on my hard wood floor all tangled up in my down comforter at 5:30 in the morning and I was laughing. Maybe I should wake up that way more often!

And since I'm in a good mood, here is another of my favorite songs for you to enjoy:

Day 14 - A song that no one would expect you to love

It's weird because thus far I haven't put on any country songs. And I listen to a whole lot of country music. My most recently favorite song...I Cross My Heart by good ole George Strait.

2010-10-22T13:01:00.002-06:00

I skipped day 12 because it is a Friday and I want to be happy and not think about things I hate. The universe is trying to work against me though and make me ornery and frustrated. I'm still holding strong and refusing to let said universe have its way with me.

In what ways is the universe working against me, you might ask? Well, yesterday I left work 1 hour early only to get halfway home and realize that the dr. appointment that I left work early for had been cancelled. So now I have to leave work early next week and go (not that I'm complaining about leaving work early, I would just rather leave early for fun stuff rather than cancelled dr. appointments). Plus I was really hoping that my flaky doctor would prescribe me something for acne-the current bane of my existence. That was frustration 1. Frustration 2-apparently in small towns no one wants my business. My hair business that is. I've been trying to find someone to color/cut my hair because it is driving me crazy and I won't be going up to SLC soon enough to have my lovely sister do it. Would you believe that Blanding does not have one single salon? And everyone who works from their homes apparently hates me and refuses to call me back/find time in their schedules to do my dang hair. So frustrating.

The good news is that it is Friday, I will most likely sneak out of work early and I have some big plans for my self which I'll fill you in on sometime next week. Be excited.

And on that happier note...
Day 13 - A song that is a guilty pleasure (don't judge me)

2010-10-21T08:36:00.004-06:00

A random fact that you most likely don't know about me-I love Third Eye Blind. Every time I hear one of their songs, I'm transported back to high school.

Like when I hear How's It Going to Be, I always think of my first heartbreak. I remember going homecoming dress shopping with my besties right after my first love broke up with me. I was sitting in the back seat and this song came on and as I stared out at the stars, a few tears ran down my face. Hearing that song takes me right there.

Or when I hear God of Wine and I'm suddenly back at my senior prom. At my high school, prom was kinda a big deal and when you arrived at the high school, a red carpet was there to lead you into the gym. Parents and friends lined the red carpet to take pictures and cheer for you. My date decided that we needed to have some music playing as we walked in and his choice-God of Wine. Everytime I heard it I feel happy and beautiful and loved.

Third Eye Blind plays in my mind as I think back on high school. So enjoy this song (my favorite of all of their songs) and take a leap back with me into the 90's.

Day 11 - A song from your favorite band

2010-10-20T10:37:00.004-06:00

Today is going to be a good day. I know it because as I drove to work today, I only had to pass one car.

That last statement probably needs an explanation. The truth is-I judge the quality of my day based on how many cars I have to pass as I drive to work. When you have to drive on a one lane highway, you appreciate the days when other cars don't get in your way. The days when there are hundreds (okay, maybe more like tens) of slow cars on the road that I have to pass on my way to work because they refuse to drive faster than 45 and I like to drive closer to 75, I know it's going to be a bad day. Probably because I start off the day with some road rage.

But today, I only have to pass one car. So even though my hair looks awful and I hate my outfit and I have a huge burn on my thumb and no make up on, I know it's going to be a good one.

To share my good day with you, I'm sharing day 10...

Day 10 - A song that makes you fall asleep

I couldn't think of a specific song but every single time I try to watch Fantasia, without fail, I fall asleep. So pretty much any song from the movie I guess :)

2010-10-19T11:04:00.002-06:00

So you may have noticed that I've been m.i.a. for the past week. That's only because I was vacay-ing in southern California with my bff and her family. Even though the weather refused to cooperate, we still had a blast.

I swam in the freezing ocean, learned to boogie board, talked for hours and played about a million games of monkey bridge.

It was such a nice vacation and I was not ready to come back to work today. Not even a little bit. Especially since I didn't even get a tan so no one can even tell that I've been at a beach. Boo.

But since I'm back in the real world, I figured I might as well amuse you more with my next song...

Day 08 - A song that you know all the words to

Considering I have such a bad memory, it's pretty impressive that I know all the words to quite a few songs. They just stay in there.

But my favorite, Spiderwebs by No Doubt...

And since I've missed so many days, you will also be blessed with...

Day 09 - A song that you can dance to

I'm not much of a dancer but literally every time I hear this song, I can't help but move.

(sidenote...since lady gaga always has some questionable antics, I've included the video from my fave show again)

2010-10-13T12:59:00.002-06:00

I'm a dork. Have I mentioned that? You can probably gather it from past posts but I'll just say it, I'm totally a dork.

What, you want proof?

Here it is then...Day 07 - A song that reminds you of a certain event.

When I was 12, I started young womens. And as part of personal progress, I picked that I would create an aerobic routine and perform it. Now before I tell you what song I picked, let me defend myself.

I didn't have anyone around to guide me in my musical pursuits. My older brother was a little (okay, a lot) more wild than I was. And his music portrayed his wild ways. The radio station in town consisted only of country music and I couldn't understand the country music way of life (until I hit college and then I started my love affair with country music). I did dabble a little bit in Green Day thanks to my middle school besties but that was pretty much the extent of my listening to "cool" music.

So when a complete dork who has little exposure to music is asked to create an aerobic routine to a song...what song would she pick?

Only A Whole New World from Aladdin.

Don't judge me. And don't make fun of me too much.

So this song will forever and always remind me of my aerobic routine performed in front of my family with my little sister Brittany.

Don't even ask me how we managed to accomplish this without the ridicule of my older brother Brandon. I'm still not sure why he didn't torment us relentlessly. Maybe some day I'll get up the courage to ask him if he remembers this. Or maybe I won't because he might decide that now would be the time to torment me about my bad music choices and my probably far worse dancing.

2010-10-12T15:07:00.002-06:00

Day 05 - A song that reminds you of someone &
Day 06 - A song that reminds of you of somewhere

The date...February 14, 2001. The place...Brookview apartments in Provo. In order to celebrate my singleness for yet another Valentine's day (at that point I had only not been single once in my life on V-day) I decided that my roommates and I should all make sugar cookies. And while we made those cookies, we may have played this song on repeat for hours and sung at the top of our lungs.

I'm pretty sure all of our neighbors hated us...I probably would have hated us if I had lived next to or above or below us on that particular afternoon.

So I present to you My Valentine by Martina McBride and Jim Brickman. Which will forever and ever remind me of Brookview apartments and the lovely ladies who were my roommates at the time-Megan, Morgan, Texann, Kristin and Heather.

2010-10-11T09:50:00.001-06:00

Ironic that today would be Day 04 - A song that makes you sad. Because I feel sad today. All last week I was in a "woe is me" pity party. I was feeling discouraged and lonely and blah. Then this weekend things started to turn around. It was nice and cool and fall-y. The leaves are changing colors. I decorated for Halloween and was uplifted at church and visited with friends. I even wore pink tights to church with my grey boots which obviously made me smile.

It was good. Then I got a call last night and things turned again. I felt sad and confused and maybe even a little angry. I won't go into details and I don't want you to worry about me. Everything is fine-my family life is always just a little complicated :)

On the way to work this morning, I was still feeling a little sad. And so to include you in my woe is me pity party...enjoy a song that always makes me sad.

2010-10-08T09:49:00.002-06:00

Day 03 - A song that makes you happy

With a doubt, Total Eclipse of the Heart always makes me feel happy. Could be my love for all things 80's. Or the fact that it always reminds me of when Meg and I drove to Texas and listened to this on repeat for hours until we had every word memorized. Or that it reminds me of singing American Fork Karaoke with Meg and Jarid suddenly jumped in to sing along unexpectedly. Regarless of why it makes me happy, it does.

And want to know what else makes me happy, the literal version. Because every time I watch it, I laugh so hard I cry. Every time. Enjoy!

2010-10-07T08:32:00.002-06:00

Day 02 - Your least favorite song

Hmm...this one is a hard one. Not because there are songs that I don't like, because there are. But because I don't spend much time listening to the songs that I don't like. And as most of you already know, I don't have a great memory. So trying to remember songs that I don't like and choose not to listen to? Difficult.

If I had to pick one I guess I would go with Wannabe by the Spice Girls. I chose not to include the video because why would you want to watch the video of my least favorite song? I certainly don't want to go to the hassle of finding it and including it.

Disclaimer-I may still know all the words to this song. Sad, I know. Don't judge me.

2010-10-06T10:52:00.002-06:00

Some days I have nothing to say. Not that nothing happens, I just don't feel like saying it outloud (sometimes I like to live in my own thoughts).

Lately, I've had nothing to say. And my blog has obviously suffered due to my silence.

I decided on a cure-all for days such as these. Enjoy my month of music (which may take more than a month, may take less...you never can tell with me).

Here's the list just in case you want to follow along:

Day 01 - Your favorite song
Day 02 - Your least favorite song
Day 03 - A song that makes you happy
Day 04 - A song that makes you sad
Day 05 - A song that reminds you of someone
Day 06 - A song that reminds of you of somewhere
Day 07 - A song that reminds you of a certain event
Day 08 - A song that you know all the words to
Day 09 - A song that you can dance to
Day 10 - A song that makes you fall asleep
Day 11 - A song from your favorite band
Day 12 - A song from a band you hate
Day 13 - A song that is a guilty pleasure
Day 14 - A song that no one would expect you to love
Day 15 - A song that describes you
Day 16 - A song that you used to love but now hate
Day 17 - A song that you hear often on the radio
Day 18 - A song that you wish you heard on the radio
Day 19 - A song from your favorite album
Day 20 - A song that you listen to when you’re angry
Day 21 - A song that you listen to when you’re happy
Day 22 - A song that you listen to when you’re sad
Day 23 - A song that you want to play at your wedding
Day 24 - A song that you want to play at your funeral
Day 25 - A song that makes you laugh
Day 26 - A song that you can play on an instrument
Day 27 - A song that you wish you could play
Day 28 - A song that makes you feel guilty
Day 29 - A song from your childhood
Day 30 - Your favorite song at this time last year

Day 1-my favorite song would probably have to be Imagine. Mostly because I can listen to it over and over and never get sick of it. And it hits a spiritual note with me too which I love. Most recently, I loved the Glee version of Imagine (and ps...expect to see lots of Glee love on this list).

Seriously, love.

2010-09-30T10:56:00.002-06:00

So I've been thinking, why is it that you can break-up with a boyfriend when you are in a relationship that is obviously not working, but you can't break-up with your friends when you are in a relationship that is obviously not working?

I've been in dysfunctional relationships in the past-both the love kind of relationships and the friendship kind of relationships. The love kind of relationships always ended after a few months because things "just weren't working" anymore.

We both went our seperate ways, sometimes with hurt feelings, sometimes not. We would maybe send an email occasionally-even less frequently we might get together for lunch. We didn't hate each other (at least after some time had passed we didn't hate each other). We just knew that the relationship didn't make us better people and we moved on.

But I've had way too many friendships that just don't work...but instead of accepting the fact and moving on, I keep trying to make the friendship work. Why?

I'm sick of friendships that make me feel like I'm not good enough-and I think if there was a way to "break-up" now would be the time.

2010-09-29T08:41:00.002-06:00

I left Blanding/Halchita for a whole week and spent some time on the other southern side of the great state of UT. And while I was in St. George I apparently couldn't find any time to update my blog. Because, ya know, I was busy. Busy relaxing in the hotel room provided by the school district, busy learning about substance abuse, busy visiting real stores and real restaurants. And the free moments I did have were spent watching premieres of Glee and Grey's and Big Bang Theory and HIMYM. You know, the important stuff.

But my favorite moment of the trip. Visiting the St. George temple. The inside is just as beautiful as the outside and you can feel the love and peace radiating off of it. Love it.

2010-09-14T08:38:00.002-06:00

Dear scale,

Thank you for reading that I have lost 5 pounds this week. I was scared that I would jump on and you would tell me that I hadn't lost at all. But instead, my hard work paid off. Yeah!
With much love, Your 5 pound lighter bff

Dear grief training counselor meeting,

Remember how I cried in front of my fellow counselors yesterday? And you reminded me of all the loss I've had in my life? And how maybe I haven't completely dealt with my grief? I'm not sure how I feel about those things. Except that I know how hard it is to be open and true with someone which is what I expect my little clients to do every day. And empathy is always a good lesson, even if it comes with crying. So I guess I'll forgive you for now.
From, The crying counselor

Dear school,

I don't want to be here today. I want to be pretty much anywhere but here. I'm sorry I'm hating on you today, I'm just tired and not feeling great. Maybe I'll have more love tomorrow.
With regret, The hater

Dear owl/feather necklace,

I'm glad that I was convinced to buy you while I was in Grand Junction on Saturday. Because you are super cute and I love you. That is all.
Love, The owl collector

Dear school fire alarm,

You almost gave me a heart attack just now. But at least you didn't make any of the little ones cry. And I am grateful that there wasn't a real fire.
Sincerely, Your scared school employee

2010-09-08T11:09:00.003-06:00

It's time.

Time for a new attitude. A new outlook on life. A new me.

I've taken my first steps towards making my life what I want it to be. And as usual, I've made a list of what I want to see happen. With goals, lots of goals.

But this time I feel like something is different. I feel as though I might be able to stick with my goals this time. And accomplish what I've been wanting to accomplish for years.

So here it is, my list of things I'm working on:

1. Read scriptures/say prayers daily. No skipping. Because when I have a good relationship with my Heavenly Father, I automatically feel better.

2. Try out yet another way to clean up my ever burdening acne prone skin. I broke down and bought proactiv. I've been trying it for about a week and a half so I don't have much to say on that front yet. We'll see what it looks like in another 4 weeks. I'm hoping this one is finally the answer *fingers crossed*

3. Lose weight. For good. None of this losing 15 pounds and then gaining it back. My first goal-lost 30 pounds before 2011. Once again, I only just started to so I don't have much to report on yet. But I joined weight watchers. And I've actually been cooking (shocking, I know) and making healthy fun meals. I've also been walking-with friends or with my ipod. I feel dedicated and even after just a day, I feel better. Probably because I'm on the right track.
4. Be happy. I mean, I am happy but sometimes when I'm tired and sick of working, I get moody. And I hate moody Camille. So my goal is to be happy. All the time.

So there you have it, just a short list. But a short list that has the power to change my life. Now I just need the encouragement to keep up with it. To not give up when I get discouraged.

2010-09-07T14:16:00.003-06:00

My newest favorite toy. I love it because it is cute and tiny and prints pictures that look just as good (or maybe even better) than the pictures I get from photo developing places.

It's a little tiny photo printer that isn't even 6 inches tall or 10 inches long. And I love it. I love it even more becasue I bought it for work so I didn't have to use my own money :) I would totally recommend buying one if money isn't an issue for you.

2010-09-03T09:09:00.002-06:00

I have been working on the Navajo reservation for 765 days (sounds like an incredibly long time doesn't it?). Which equals out to 25 months or in other words-a little over 2 years.

I lived on the Navajo reservation for 10 of those 25 months. The rest of the time I've lived in a little town just outside of the reservation.

I've learned a lot about the culture but you know what I haven't learned? The language. Not even a little bit. I know just one or two words. Which doesn't hurt me in my job since I would say that 90% of our kids don't speak Navajo either. And the 10% that may speak some, still speak English. So learning this incredibly difficult language hasn't been on the top of my to-do list.

Nonetheless, I have picked up on a few words as I've spent time here. Like yaht (I don't know how to actually spell the word, just say it).

Guess what yaht means? Lice. And guess who spent all yesterday afternoon combing yaht out of student's hair? Me. I don't know how it falls under the counseling duties but I guess it's necessary for their overall health so maybe we could tie it in somehow.

Still...I'm wishing that yaht was a word I didn't know. Actually I'm wishing that yaht was a word that didn't even exist because there was no word for it.

If I had a million dollars...

2010-08-31T13:00:00.003-06:00

I would build my mom a house right next to mine.

Well I guess I would build myself a house right next to hers.

Or, I would just build two houses right next to each other. And my mom and I would live in them. Maybe I'd even build a few other houses and invite the rest of my family to live with me too.

Or I'd move to Hawaii and buy a whole island and let all my friends and families come live in cute little cottages.

Wait, I'm off topic. The point is, when I'm with my family they make me smile and laugh. You can see what I'm talking about from these pictures taken a few summers ago at a family reunion. Where we couldn't shower. Don't judge me by my horrible hair.

All of these plans were determined after spending the weekend with my mom in B-town when she came to visit. It was fun. And went by much too quickly. Hence the making of millions and building dream houses.

2010-08-25T14:08:00.002-06:00

I'm feeling stressed. The beginning of the school year. Decisions to be made. Family situations to deal with.

It's like a mountain right? Once I've climbed up the downhill climb will be easy? Please tell me it's true. I need something to look forward too.

2010-08-24T12:31:00.003-06:00

Surprise, surprise. I took the summer off. Off of work, off of stress and off of blogging.

I had good intentions. Just not good enough.

I'll sum up my entire summer in just a few words:

boston. reading. maryland. friends. family. georgia. nieces. nephews. american fork. movies. projects.

It was fun and busy and went by way too quickly. I'm back in the swing of things at school which means i'll be back in the swing of things at blogging. Just wait.

So Close I Can Taste It

2010-05-26T12:39:00.002-06:00

Only .5 weeks, 2.5 days, 16 hours and 960 minutes left of school. Not that I'm looking forward to it or anything.

Today I Will Be Grateful

2010-05-24T14:01:00.003-06:00

I'm taking a break from catch-up week (weeks) to share some of the things I'm grateful for today...

1. A new phone (finally) that doesn't echo everything I say and has fun new gadgets.
2. A fun visit with the C's this weekend-Con (grandpa), Christine (mom), Chelsey, Chris, and Cambria.
3. The fact that there are only 4 days left of school until summer break.
4. A good face and hair day...everything just looks right today.
5. Speaking of my good face day-a new face wash regimen that seems to be working and clearing my skin.
6. A new dress found for only $6 at Target which my momma bought for me.
7. $1 flip flops found at Old Navy.
8. My plans for tonight which include a nap and then watching the season finale of Lost that I recorded from last night.

It's all good.

via

Cruisin' to Cabo

2010-05-21T12:19:00.004-06:00

Well, I was planning on all week being catch up week. But then I didn't blog on Monday just because. And then I didn't blog yesterday because I was busy at the dentist and eye doctor.

(No cavities but I need glasses. They will be coming next week and I'll take pics to show you the new me...at least until I can get used to seeing the way that apparently I should be seeing and then I'll move on to contacts)

But now I'm back for my Friday post. Which involves me finally posting some pictures of my amazing cruise. Enjoy.

Catch up #3

Remember how I took a week off of work to go on a cruise to Cabo with a bunch of my friends? I had a blast and here are the pictures to prove it...

Don't worry...I only have pictures of these three lovely people because they were stolen from my roommate Angie's camera. There were other people. And a cute seal that swam next to our boat. Those pictures belong to someone else so you will just have to imagine them.

Who doesn't appreciate a good award?

2010-05-19T08:35:00.002-06:00

Work news is really only interesting to those involved. Or at least that is how I feel. Actually, sometimes even when I'm involved, work news isn't interesting to me.

It's just not fun to sit there and listen while someone else tells you about what they did during the day and what is happening at work. Unless maybe they work for the CIA or are a race car driver or something like that.

So even though it might only be interesting/exciting to me...I'm going to share my exciting work news with you.

Catch up #2
When I was hired to be a counselor, it was understood that I would be paid through a grant provided by the safe and drug free schools. And part of the understanding is that I agreed to do certain things during my time at Mexican Hat. One of those things was to apply for RAMP...which stands for Recognized ASCA Model Program. And for those of you that are really interested, ASCA stands for American School Counselor Association.

Basically when you receive the RAMP award, it is saying that you are running a counseling program that meets all of the federal guidelines. It requires an incredibly time consuming report and it is difficult to receive. I won't bore you with all of the details since I've probably already bored you with the ones I've shared thus far.

The point is-guess who received the RAMP award?

That's right people...yours truly.

And guess who will be going to Boston on the 4th of July to receive my award (on the grants dime...not on mine)?

Right again.

It's good positive reinforcement. Sometimes you wonder if you are really doing anything good or right-and now I'll have a little plaque that says one time I was on the right track!

A promise unfulfilled and a story about an interview

2010-05-18T13:18:00.003-06:00

This week is officially catch up week. Except that I already missed Monday of my catch up week. Boo. Anyway, as I mentioned last time I wrote, sometimes I make promises. And then fail to keep them. And reading back through old posts...I realized that I have brought my shortcomings in this area into my blogging life as well.

So in order to turn over a new leaf, I have decided to fulfill those as yet unfulfilled promises.

Catch up #1

I may have mentioned a few weeks ago (okay fine, a few months ago) that I went on a job interview. Or that I was going on a job interview. But since that was a few months ago, I have now been on said job interview. It was for a school district up north that had some openings. The interview went fairly well although it could have gone better. I felt as though they were moderately impressed and that if I expressed some interest, I might be able to get a job. Only the problem was that I wasn't feeling the job.

It might seem crazy to a lot of people that I'm working out in the middle of nowhere and that I've decided to stay another year. Heck, most of the time it sounds pretty crazy to me as well.

But my decision to come out here was the first decision in my life that I was 100% sure was the right decision.

I just knew.

And the first time I pulled in here? I felt like I was coming home.

Sure there are still times I hate being here. There are times when I would rather be any where else in the world. Most of the time I wished that I lived closer to my family and my friends that live too far away.

But lots of times I love being here. I love the slow peaceful lifestyle. The fact that there isn't any traffic and there are no stoplights to slow me down. The new friends that I've made who have started to become my "family".

It's home for right now.

I was grateful that I went to that interview, even if it was just because it helped me to remember all the good things about being down here. So I'll stay.

2010-05-13T09:20:00.003-06:00

I make promises a lot. Promises that I fully intend to keep but somehow end up overlooking eventually. Next week the whole week will be dedicated to fulfilling all of the blog promises that I make and never follow through on. Be prepared.

Another thing I never follow through on? My goals. Remember about a year and a half ago when I made a list of 101 things I was going to do? Okay so you probably don't remember since that was a YEAR AND A HALF AGO. (if somehow you are actually interested in that list, read it here) Guess how many goals on the list I have actually completed? 23.

You might be thinking that that isn't so bad (I thought that for a second too). Until I realized that I would only have like a year and 2 months to finish and I'd already done all of the easy things. There is no way I'm actually going to finish.

So you know what I do when I realize that I am going to fail at completing something? I revise my original list.

In honor of my recently passed 28th birthday (can you believe that I'm 28?? Pretty sure I can't!), here are 28 things that I really am going to do in the next year...I'm keeping it easy to make sure that I will succeed).

1. Read 1 new book every month.
2. Go to the temple at least once a month.
3. Call a different friend every week to chat.
4. Do something I'm scared of.
5. Hold hands with a boy I actually like.
6. Drink more water.
7. Go on a road trip to somewhere I've never been.
8. Read the entire Book of Mormon.
9. Buy a plant.
10. Visit a psychic.
11. Take a train instead of a plane.
12. Spend time with all of my nieces and nephews.
13. Watch every movie that I own.
14. Organize/clean out my entire room.
15. Figure out a miracle way to get rid of acne.
16. Write an actual letter to someone.
17. Learn to cook dinners.
18. Make my own pickles.
19. Visit Roswell, NM.
20. Learn to play the guitar.
21. Do something that I've never done before.
22. Learn to play at least one song on the piano.
23. Create a 72 hour kit.
24. Do better about keeping in touch with my extended family.
25. Pay off a credit card.
26. Shoot a gun (at a target that is).
27. Pay my tithing faithfully every month.
28. Love myself.

2010-04-30T13:49:00.001-06:00

I just got some great work news...some good positive reinforcement that I am in fact doing what I'm supposed to be doing as a school counselor.

As a reward, I'm letting myself go home early. I'll tell you all about the good news on Monday.

Happy Friday!!!

2010-04-28T13:41:00.003-06:00

Random thoughts of the day...

1. My blow dryer decided two days ago to say farewell after many years of faithful service. Pretty sure that I've had the little tyke since college years. Normally the fact that the little blue blow dryer died would make me feel sad and would create a bad hair day for one day but remember how I live in Blanding? Guess how close my nearest Target is? (I won't even tell you because then you will just feel sorry for me and I don't want that). So the fact that my blow dryer has met its untimely demise has plunged me into a depression (and bad hair).

2. Sometimes when it is late and dark, I like to say redrum in my creepiest voice (which is pretty creepy if I say so myself). It always freaks everyone out, including myself. And yet I continue to do it. Guess what I saw while I was in Cabo? A little sign with my favorite creepy word (and speaking of which, who would name a restaurant murder spelled backwards..that's creepy). Ignore the fact that it's not my greatest picture and pretend that this picture was taken after my blow dryer died, not before. It will make me feel better if you pretend.

3. Yesterday I had both a teacher and a kid say that I blended in better at the school now that I have my tan. Which means that they all think I'm tan enough to look Navajo. Yeah for being tan! I briefly thought maybe I should give up on blond and go back to dark here so I could blend in even better!

4. Yesterday I went out to one of my co-workers car to get something out of the back seat and when I opened the door, I somehow managed to hit my arm really hard. And bruise it. Seriously...is it possible that I could be getting more clumsy in my older age?

2010-04-27T08:11:00.003-06:00

Remember how I mentioned a few posts back about how I went on a date? And remember how I promised to fill you all in on the details? Now is the time (finally).

Many of you may remember a few months back when I confessed to having a crush on a boy. We'll call him CM.

Well things haven't been progressing very quickly with old CM. In fact, they are pretty much at a stand still. I have no idea what he is thinking, I'm sure he has no idea what I'm thinking. And to be honest, just thinking about all this makes my head hurt a little!

Basically what you need to know is that CM is shy and kinda does his own thing. So if I want to talk to him, I have to initiate it. Every time. What you also need to know is that I am usually not an initiator. I do my best to always be the one that is pursued so that I can get by with little effort. Not because I don't want to put in effort. More just because I worry that if I put myself out there, I'll end up hurt.

So as you can imagine, things are tricky. I hate pursuing but I like a boy where I have to. Tricky.

Anyway, enough of my rambling and onto the actual story.

I'm on the phone with my mom, ironically filling her in on all of this information that i just shared and telling her that I was giving up on the whole situation. When suddenly my phone beeps.

And guess who is calling right at that very moment? Yep, you guessed it. Except that when it comes to dating, I think I move back into the junior high realm. So when I say hello, I realized immediately that it isn't CM on the other side even though my caller id is telling me that the call is coming from his cell.

It's his friend JT. And JT is pretending to be CM. Because like I said, 28 year olds dating isn't much different than 14 year olds dating.

Eventually CM gets on the phone and proceeds to stumble over some words which I interpreted to be him asking me on a date (it didn't' hurt that JT was in the background saying..."No, actually say the word date. Ask her if she wants to go on a date with you." So I got the picture.

I agreed (obviously) and I understood that CM and I would be doubling with JT and one of my roommates and we were going to have a fire/dinner.

I had fun. A lot of fun. We told silly stories (and I tried to tell my dad's famous scary story about the girl with the green ribbon around her neck), we talked and we laughed. I felt good about the whole situation.

And now it's been like a month and things are back where they were pre-date. In other words, who the heck knows what is going on? I'm pretty sure I hate dating.

2010-04-26T09:14:00.004-06:00

Lately I've been in a funk.

Could be that I just got back from a wonderful 9 day vacation.

Or that the end of school is so near I can smell it and yet I'm still cramped up in my little tiny office for 5 more weeks.

All I know is that this week was blah.

You know the feeling? Nothing is really wrong but nothing is right either.

My pre-funk probably started when I had to go back to work last week. It was a long week. I was bored. I couldn't quite get everything done that I was supposed to. I kept forgetting things.

But you want to know when my official funk started???

That would be Friday morning. When I woke up late for work. And rushed down the stairs wearing slippery sandals. And fell down the stairs. Hard.

I ended up with sore muscles and a bruised back. I yelled at myself for being almost 28 and still not able to descend a flight of stairs gracefully.

Then my funk really started. Because I realized that I was almost 28.

And not only can I not descend a flight of stairs gracefully but I'm also still single and still overweight and still unsure about what I want to do with my life.

It was a downward spiral from there. The stupid falling down the stairs made my mind go into overdrive telling me all the things that I was doing wrong. I spent the weekend continually going over all that I was doing wrong. Not good. Every little thing suddenly seemed to be proof that I couldn't get it just right.

Does anyone else have days like these? Is it just me???

Then I woke up this morning and thought-this funk ends today. Period. No more moping and feeling sorry for myself. So on my hour drive to work, I spent the first half hour praying and asking for help and the last half hour telling myself the things that I have done right in the last 28 years.

Because while there may be things that I have to work on (okay, there may be a huge list of things that I have to work on), there are lots of things that I have achieved.

By the time I got to work, the funk was gone.

2010-04-21T12:52:00.005-06:00

I'm sorry I have been missing for two whole weeks. I have a good excuse though. I was completely out of touch with the technological world for a week while I spent some time here:

And here:

I went a cruise to Cabo with a bunch of my friends and I had an absolute blast. I made some new friends, created some new memories, and had so much fun that it was almost impossible to come back to work on Monday.

I have cute pictures from my trip that I stole from my friends (because guess whose camera is still dead and guess who can't find the charger???) but they are all on facebook and alas, I can't access facebook from work. And work is where I do all of my writing since my internet isn't working at home. It's quite the pickle, no?

The point is...at some point in the future I will post cute pics and give more details on all of my adventures. But for now all you need to know is that I have a great tan and I'm counting down the days until summer break.

2010-04-07T08:27:00.003-06:00

Have I told you about my bff Megan? Pretty sure I have mentioned a few times how amazing she is. Have I mentioned that she also has a pretty amazing little sister named Sarah? And have I mentioned that the three of us together is pretty much the best thing since mint oreo ice cream?

Megan and Sarah drove down to visit me for a little spring break action. And it was pretty much the best visit ever.

We practiced the color guard walks until we were laughing so hard that it was impossible to continue.

We did swing dance moves/flips while wearing the nacho libre mask.

We watched glee for hours on end.

We talked for hours and made big plans for how we were going to connect our families.

We played games and laughed until our sides ached.

And we just enjoyed eachothers company. A lot.

I miss them already. If I wasn't leaving to go on a cruise on Saturday, I'd probably be in a fit of depression.

2010-04-01T15:15:00.002-06:00

Tomorrow I will be enjoying my day off. And Monday I'll be enjoying another day off with one of my dearest friends and her cute sister. So in other words, I'll be missing again from the blogging world.

Enjoy Easter. And be jealous that I have 2 days off!

2010-03-31T10:33:00.002-06:00

I've been talking about work a lot lately (or at the very least I've been thinking about it a lot lately). Probably because most of my life consists of work. I commute 2 hours every day and then spend 8+ hours here. Not to mention all the stuff I take home-both to work on and to ponder on. It's kinda my life right now. (although I did have a date last night which was pretty fun)

Some days I hate that my life revolves around work, other days I'm okay with it. Today is one of those I'm okay with it days. Because I remember why I became a counselor in the first place. And why I'm still working on the reservation. I'm okay with it all because I feel like maybe I've managed to make some kind of difference for these sweet little kids.

And the kids have certainly made a difference in my life. You want to know how my day started out? Here is my what happened when I walked into a K class for a few minutes:

Kid 1-Oh Miss Camille, I love your shoes.
Kid 2-I love your shirt.
Kid 3-Well I love your jacket.
Kid 4-I love your shorts.
Kid 5-I love your hair.
Kid 6-You are so beautiful.

Makes your day, right?

Of course, then I sent a copy of it to a teacher friend who teaches at a rough high school, and this is how her day started:

I said “good morning” kid 1 said “ugg”
Kid 2 “f-you Seiter”
Kid 3 laughed
Kid 4 talked the entire class and asked me what I was going to do about it.
I said “ have a good day” kid 5 said “f- school”

Pretty sure I should always have "I'm okay with it" days since I never have to deal with the naughty older kids!

2010-03-30T09:30:00.002-06:00

Today I'm grateful...

Grateful that it is a 4 day work week instead of a 5 day one

Grateful that the sun is shining and that I can wear a skirt without tights

Grateful that I have parents who love me and who guided me in the right direction

Grateful that I recently aquired (or will be aquiring very soon) so many nieces and nephews

Grateful that I have a Heavenly Father who knows me and loves me

Grateful that I have a job where each day I feel validated and loved

Grateful that I live in such a beautiful part of the country

Grateful that I actually have plans tonight that I'm excited for

Grateful that I have old friends and new friends that I can completely be myself with

Grateful that in 2 weeks I will be in Cabo, relaxing on a beach

Grateful that I was raised to believe in myself and what I am capable of

And I could go on, but that would probably bore the life out of you. Just know, I'm feeling pretty blessed today.

To Hear is To Know

2010-03-24T13:08:00.002-06:00

If I believed everything I heard at school today, I would believe:

1. There are now crocodiles living in mud puddles in Phoenix that will bite your feet if you accidentally fall in.

2. There is a house somewhere in the south-eastern part of Utah that has thousands of eagles living inside of its walls.

3. There are cougars running around the reservation that attack little children if they get too close.

4. Some children are psychic and you can tell they are psychic because in pictures, you can see straight through their stomach to whatever is behind them.

5. I have about 60 "best-best buddies" in kindergarten and 1st grade.

I obviously still have a lot to learn....

2010-03-12T09:15:00.002-07:00

Someone broke into my email...which has me all concerned that maybe I'm not as safe in the internet world as I want to pretend I am.

So with the encouragement of my wise mother, I have decided that maybe I need to make a few changes. Which means that my blog will soon be private. If you want me to send you an invite, please let me know...I'd love all of you who actually read this to still be able to follow!

2010-03-11T15:31:00.003-07:00

Spring break is almost here. I can feel it coming closer with each passing minute. A whole week of freedom. A week to sleep in and lounge around and do all the things that I have been planning on doing but haven't found the time for yet.

I'm looking forward to a jaunt up north to see my adorable niece and sister and visit with friends and family. While I'm up there I might as well get my hair done and enjoy a litle Cafe Rio pork action. I'll go see a movie and go shopping way too much (in actual stores, not just online!). I might as well go ahead and interview for a job (more on that another time). I'll actually have time to enjoy myself and relax up there for a few days.

But then I'm coming back to the middle of nowhere to enjoy some actual down time. Where I don't have to worry about visiting anyone. Heck, where I don't even have to worry about getting ready for the day. Where I can enjoy a Jane Austen movie and book marathon while laying in bed all day in my pajamas. And that will be perfectly acceptable because it is spring break.

Maybe I'll actually find time to call back all the people who have been so nice to call and who I have been so rude to never call back. I'll clean out my nightstand (something I've been meaning to do for weeks) and maybe I'll even catch up on laundry. I'm hoping by the end of the week I will feel rejuvenated and organized and ready to take on the world. And I guess if I don't...I can always look forward to the cruise that I'll be going on 3 weeks after spring break (more on that later as well).
Can you see why I'm so looking forward to this spring break?

2010-03-09T15:34:00.006-07:00

I drove to Logan last weekend. Which is way too long of a drive for a quick weekend trip. But I just couldn't miss the wedding of these two lovelies...

And of course, I also couldn't miss the photo opportunities that arose...

But after looking at these pictures I have just one question...should I cut my hair short or attempt to grow it longer?? Seriously people, this is an important question. And I need help. Tell me what to do.

2010-03-04T14:07:00.003-07:00

Sometimes I'm really tired and I don't know what to write about. And sometimes I get inspiration about what to write from other people and their blogs.

Lately I've seen a couple blogs with the "challenge" to go to your first picture folder, find the tenth picture and then tell the story behind the picture. And I thought-why not? Might as well, I say.

So my tenth picture is...

Right now, looking at this picture, I am so sad that I am sitting in an office in Halchita, UT (is it still considered UT when you are on the Navjo Nation??? That's something I have yet to learn since I've been here) and not on a beach in Hawaii.

This picture was taken on Hanauma Bay. I was taking a break from snorkeling and nursing my tiny little cut from the coral reef when I remembered that if you got cut, you were supposed to go tell a lifeguard. And I noticed that the lifeguard was pretty hot (you can't really tell that from the picture so you'll just have to trust me on that one) so obviously I was too scared to actually go up to him and talk. Or show him my little cut. Instead I sneakily took a picture of him...which was pretty easy considering how many people there were with cameras around me.

My other favorite part of the picture...the nice guy in the speedo that also happened to be in my picture.

By the way, does anyone else hope that someday they make a new friend and are looking through their photo albums and all of the sudden see themselves in one of the pictures? I know it's bound to happen to me someday so I try to jump into as many pictures as possible when I see people snapping away.

So what I'm trying to say is, looking at this picture makes me nostalgic for Hawaii, reminds me of the little scar that I now have on my knee from snorkeling, makes me think how silly speedos are and reminds me that I need to jump into more pictures. Good.

2010-03-01T14:23:00.003-07:00

I love when you are moving along in your life and you suddenly have a revelation. A small simple revelation but one that completely changes the way that you see things.

For too long I have suffered with thinking I am not good enough. Not skinny enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough, overall just not good enough.

And then on Sunday, my newest friend Stephanie told me that she was looking through my fb pictures and that I look exactly like my littlest sister. And it suddenly struck me. I can't be "not pretty enough" because I know that Chelsey is beautiful.

Now every time that I start to have those negative thoughts rolling around in my head telling me that I'm just not pretty enough, I think...if I look like Chelsey, things must be better than what I see in the mirror.
I obviously still have a long way to go with the whole self-esteem thing but it's one step in the right direction. And it's all about baby steps, right?

And if you are wondering how my healthy eating committment is going, I'll just tell you it's going great. I'm still motivated and still working hard. I have exercised (mostly walking but like I said, baby steps) for 5 days in a row and been eating healthy for 6. I feel better and the scale implies that I'm doing something right since it's showing that I've already lost 6 pounds. Hooray for me!

2010-02-24T08:26:00.003-07:00

After a lot of thinking the past few days, I decided that it was time to take some action. There are all kinds of things that I always talk about doing but then never actually follow through on.

Yesterday I decided that now is the time for action. No more just thinking about it and debating about it. So this morning I started on my first step to the new me...

Getting healthy.

I've been talking about getting healthy/losing weight for like the past five years. I have even given it some half-hearted attempts. But I never fully committed myself. I have some ideas of why I never did but I won't bore you with all of my inner drama. The point is, this time I'm committed.

(If you need further proof that I'm inspired, I got online this morning and found this post from one of my new favorite blogs)

My goal for day 1? Make better eating choices. Drink water. Take vitamins. Do all the things (in regards to eating) that I know I should be doing and none of the things that I know I shouldn't be. Each day I'll add in something else that will make me a better person. Closer to the person that I ultimately want to be.

Now I just need your support (and your prayers) that I can keep the commitment that I have now.

2010-02-18T15:12:00.002-07:00

Do you ever stop missing someone who has left you?

It's been over 15 years. Fifteen years since I said goodbye and I still think of Clayton every single day.

Some days I still want to stay in bed and cry. Cry because the thought of him being gone forever still hurts. Cry because I can't remember the sound of his laugh or voice. Cry because now I can't remember if I really remember him.

Some days I smile when I think of him. Smile because I know that he must be happier where he is now. Smile because of the knowledge that I have that we will be together again one day. Smile because even though I miss him, I still had the chance to know him.

I wonder what he would look like. I wonder what he would have made of himself. And perhaps selfishly, I wonder what my life would have been like if he hadn't left.

He was my brother, the goofy little boy that made everyone smile with his mischevious grin. The one who snuck dead moles into the house in his lunchbox. Who collected acorns outside of the church. Who carried around his toy boxer everywhere he went. The one who snuck out of the bathroom window so he could explore the world.

I'm guessing the missing never stops just like the loving never does either.

2010-02-12T08:52:00.008-07:00

Sunday is Valentine's Day. A day that constantly reminds those of us that are single...that we are still single.

Coupled people get flowers and chocolates and jewelry.

Single people get sympathy and a box from their mom (not that I'm complaining about getting a box from my mom, I love getting packages!!! I'm just complaining that it's not a box from some cute guy who obviously has a crush on me).

But I still can't help but like Valentine's Day. Maybe because it reminds me of the things that I do have in my life.

In honor of the day of love, here are some things that I love:

Number 1...my cute little nieces/nephew

Number 2...my mama and my sisters (I love my dad and brother as well of course)

(If you are wondering if that is the back of my mom's head...it is. She hates taking pictures so it's the best I could do)

Number 3...my bestest friends

Plus a few more million things that I love. Like my bestest friends growing up (Morgan, Bekah, Tara, Jessica) who hold a special place in my heart. Hawaii. traveling. chocolate. good TV. Pride and Prejudice. a good book. a Diet Coke. a comfy bed. owls. shopping. cowboy hats. rain boots. sunny days. Cafe Rio pork anything. my extended family. haunted houses. the internet. And most importantly, a loving Father and two brothers watching out for me from up above.

I may not have someone special to celebrate Valentine's Day with, but my heart is still filled with a whole lot of love.

2010-02-09T12:24:00.002-07:00

I'm not a huge fan of change. I like things to stay exactly the same until I'm ready for them to change. I especially hate when things change at the very last minute and I have no time to prepare for it. When this happens, I fall apart. I may cry, I make lock myself into my room and sulk for awhile, I may just leave and give myself some time to be by myself. It's not something that I will apologize for, it's just who I am.

I hate change...except when it comes to my own personal style. And in that area, I love change. On a whim, I may go to the salon and come home with a different color hair, or a completely different hairstyle. I'm open to change when it comes to my hair.

So it shouldn't come as a surprise to you that while I was up in Salt Lake last weekend, I gave my favorite baby sister a call and asked her to change things up for me. I got there and said...make me blonde. Put highlights in. Make me feel like someone new.

She did and I do. I feel refreshed and ready to take on the world. I feel like a new woman.

Too bad the kids at school informed me that dying my hair is going to give me split ends and that the blonde makes me look like a college student rather than a teacher! Oh well, you can't please everyone!

And stay tuned for pictures...I swear to you that I will be taking some this weekend and will be posting them just for you.

2010-02-08T14:06:00.002-07:00

I can always tell when I look at old pictures if it was a time in my life when I was really, truly happy. You can see it in the eyes and the smile. You can tell whether I'm feeling confident or insecure. Whether I think I look fat or whether I don't really care. Whether I'm living in the moment or letting everything build up until it is too much to handle.

I think if I took a picture of myself right now, I'd look pretty much like I look in this one:

I was happy in this picture. Happy about where I was in life and with who I was.

I feel the same way now. I'm happy with the path my life has taken, even though it was completely unexpected. I'm grateful to have old friends that know me and understand me and love me and I'm grateful for new friends who I get to completely reinvent myself with. I'm excited for where my life will go next and what lies around the next bend. I'm excited for new opportunities to grow and change. I'm content with the choices I have made thus far. I'm happy.

2010-02-02T14:11:00.004-07:00

I've been on a gLee marathon. That is, a marathon that only takes place between the hours of 5 and 10 pm (after I get home from work and before I crash for the night) and in between everything else that is happening in my life.

I thought that if I just made it to February, life would finally slow down.

But here it is the 2nd day of the month and I haven't seen any slowing yet. But don't worry, I still make time for gLee.

And I'll obviously make time for Lost. Because I l.o.v.e it. And because I once saw Sawyer in Hawaii except that at that time I didn't know it was Sawyer because I hadn't started watching Lost yet. But now I've watched it and I know who he is, and I love it all the more because I've totally seen him in person.

So when I complain about how I never have any time to get anything done, please remind me that I spend hours (hours people) each week on these two shows. Maybe it will instill some guilt in me and I'll do something productive.

2010-01-25T14:22:00.009-07:00

I still don't have any pictures, my camera battery is dead. I am sometimes lame like that. Especially since I would have loved to have pictures from this weekend when the majority of my loved ones were with me for the day.

So my weekend started out on quite the wrong note. I woke up Friday to school being cancelled and a huge blizzard...the biggest one in a decade. There was snow everywhere, ice underneath, and my car was stuck in the driveway. Friday consisted of shoveling and digging out. And crying. Because I suddenly doubted whether my family and friends could make it in that kind of weather. And as much as I wanted them to come, I also wanted them to be safe. I spent the majority of the day talking on the phone, crying, crying while talking on the phone. It wasn't pretty.

And then I got the overwhelming feeling that I just needed to have faith. It was like a voice spoke to my mind and told me to just have a little faith and everything would turn out. And of course, the quiet voice that whispered to my soul was completely right. My mom, grandpa, aunt and cousin made it in safely Friday afternoon. I got the call from the temple saying they would be open Saturday. My friends arrived later Friday night.

I woke up Saturday to blue skies and sunshine. And calls from more relatives saying they were on their way to Monticello. It was a beautiful morning and it prepared me for the beauty that I would soon be able to partake in. Saturday reminded me of who I truly am, a daughter of God. Of how much He loves each of us. Of how mindful He is of every once of us. And of the power of faith.

Image from here

2010-01-21T14:10:00.003-07:00

I have a lot of thoughts that go through my head that I never share with anyone. Because if I shared all of them, people would think I was crazy. And I would never stop talking because it would take me forever to share and then explain, all those thoughts.

One of the thoughts that consistently runs through my head is-If my life were a musical, what song would best fit this moment?

Sometimes I make up songs, sometimes its just a running soundtrack of popular music. Every once in awhile I break into song and people give me a funny look (that could also be because I am not musically talented).

Today, if my life were a musical, I would be singing Something Good from Sound of Music. Except that it would go a little more like "Somewhere in my youth or childhood, I must have done something wrong."

Because I obviously must have done something wrong. Otherwise why would it have snowed 2 feet the day before all my friends and family are coming into town for my special day?

A Break, A Package, A Move

2010-01-14T08:46:00.004-07:00

I'm taking a break from my top five favorite things about Christmas break mostly just because I don't feel like writing about it today. Because I have other things to say.

Like...I got a package yesterday! Proof that someone loves me.

Oh wait, except that it was from Shade. And that I had bought all of it with my own money. Maybe it's just proof that I love myself? Of course, who better to love me?

I got home from work yesterday to a lovely little bag with my name written on the label. And inside were three beautiful new shirts and one amazing cardigan (because although even the Kindergarteners have started to recognize that I always wear cardigans, I still can't stop myself).

For me, shopping is an addiction, and like any addiction, I felt a wonderful surge of energy and happiness upon opening my little package and seeing my new things. The joy even lasted until this morning when I got to wake up and put together a new outfit.

The good news now is that I pretty much own the entire Shade line so my bank account can have a little break until they come out with something new. I should seriously be a model for them. I need the extra cash. They might need someone to model the clothes that aren't an XS. I'm just saying.

Speaking of extra cash, I don't have any. Because as I mentioned before, looks like I'll be moving to a new place this weekend. And apparently I didn't prep anyone for that news so now everyone is all confused. So here's the story in a nutshell...

Last year I decided that I would move to Blanding for this school year and be roomies with my friend Angie. Because living in Halchita kinda sucked. So we made all these plans and her parents decided they would finish the basement for us to move into. Except when I came back to Blanding in August, nothing was finished. Literally, nothing. So Angie and I moved into the camping trailer in the backyard. Both of us, in one trailer. With all my shoes and clothes. It wasn't pretty.

Last month, my room in the basement was finally finished, so I moved in. Then Angie's brother came home from his mission and suddenly there were 7 of us living between 3 bedrooms with only 2 bathrooms. This also hasn't been pretty. Still no bathroom, no kitchen, no living room and no foreseeable end date. So Angie and I started talking about moving somewhere new.

The new place is old and kinda run down and I totally love it. There are a few girls already living there but we each have our own bedroom with a bathroom attached. I can live with that. So the weekend will be devoted to settling in, once again, to a new place. And charging camera batteries and taking pictures, cause I'll need pictures of this one!

I might need some retail therapy on Monday to recover.

Time Passed...

2010-01-13T08:36:00.004-07:00

For those of you that are concerned about my state of stressful living and my lack of sleeping, I have good news. My project at work is almost finished (I've been saying that for like a month but this time I really mean it, it's so close I can taste it), I found a place to move into that is so fun (think of an old house in a scary movie...textured wallpaper and all) and I have a final number of family/friend that will be here in 1.5 weeks and I've decided to let them worry about where they are sleeping and I'll just worry about my own sleeping.

So my biggest stress for today is thinking about moving all my stuff (again) this weekend. But i will be worth it. And I'll just think of it like a work out and then I'll feel better about myself anyway. Yeah me!

But enough about stress. I hate stress. I want to forget it and live in the moment. So to celebrate, here is my number 4 favorite thing about my break:

I got to reconnect with another old friend out in Maryland. I first met Tara in the 5th grade, we hung out in the 6th grade and we became inseperable best friends in the 7th grade.

She called after Clayton passed away and just talked to me. Looking back, she was probably scared to call because she had no idea what to say but she didn't let that stop her. She filled me in on school, I cried and told her I couldn't go on and she told me that she would always be there for me. And she was. She came to Clayton's viewing and cried with me. She didn't even really know Clayton but she knew that because he was gone, a part of me was gone.

Tara was there when I didn't get asked to Homecoming and everyone else did, when I had my first (and second and third) heartbreak, when my parents got divorced, when my dad got remarried.

We remained friends despite fights with friends and fights over boys. We lasted through high school and through college. We were "always and forever friends", siamese twins seperated at birth (I have a brown spot on my left hand and she has a white spot on her left hand...proof that we must have once been attached) and champion note writers. We were best friends-sisters-plain and simple.

And then somehow, I lost touch with one of the most important people in my life. I'm not sure how or when it happened exactly. I just remember talking on the phone one time and telling her that my grandmother had died the month before. My grandmother, who had played such an important part in my life, had passed away and I hadn't even thought to call my best friend.

We had grown apart without me even being aware of it. Since that day there have been so many times when I wanted to call her and tell her everything.

But like with all friends that you lose contact with, you wonder if they really want to hear from you.

So I didn't call, didn't text, didn't email. I stopped calling when I would go home because I thought she would be too busy for me. Or that we had finally reached a point in our lives where all our differences overshadowed our similarities.

And just like with Bekah, somehow 5 years passed by. 5 years.

I thought of Tara often but I wasn't brave enough to make the first step. But just like that first phone call after Clayton passed away, Tara was brave enough to pick up the phone. We only had a couple hours to spend together and we had way too much time to make up for. She's engaged and has a baby. I finished grad school and work on the indian reservation. We have new people that are parts of our lives and new experiences. Maybe for some people it would have been impossible to overcome all those changes, but for us-always and forever friends-it felt just like a beginning.

We talked like we had never been apart. Hanging out in her parents basement just like I had for so many days growing up. Her mom came down and called me "Big Wheel"-a nickname that I had completely forgotten about. Her dad made silly jokes and teased us. Her brother came down and gave me the biggest hug. Tara and I were together again. And I was home.

Numbers 2 and 3...because I can

2010-01-12T08:54:00.006-07:00

I woke up with huge bags under my eyes this morning. Mostly because I didn't sleep last night. Well, I guess I must have slept at least a little bit since I did wake up!

But you know what I'm saying. Those nights when you are up every hour on the hour. When you wake up thinking about the million things that are currently going on in your life. So you know that even while you are "sleeping" your brain is trying to work out solutions to everything that is currently causing stress.

That was me. Last night. The bags and dark circles under my eyes prove it. Work has been stressful. The currently living situation has been stressful. Planning for everyone to come visit has been stressful (plus super exciting!!!). I keep thinking-one more month and it will all be over.

Of course, in one more month there will probably be a whole new set of things to keep me stressed.

But I decided to take a break from worrying about life and actually finish what I started last week. And so I present to you...

My number 2 favorite thing that happened this break:

Having the best Christmas morning with my mom and little sister plus her cute family. No big surprise, I woke up Christmas morning sick and then realized that my camera battery had died. Apparently there will never again be pictures on this blog! Despite being sick, it was a beautiful Christmas morning.

It had been years since I had been home for Christmas. And years since I had spent Christmas with little kids. The excitement over Santa Clause coming was contagious. Santa...aka my mom...completely spoiled me. I told her she gave me way too much but I secretly (or not so secretly) loved it all.

There was a fire and sticky buns and stockings...I felt just like I had when I was a little kid. Loved, loved, loved it.

Of course, Christmas break/Christmas morning was also wonderful because I got to meet one of the cutest baby girls ever. Which leads me to number 3. I know, right? Lucky you to get 2 of my favorite things in one post!

Meet my newest niece. Adorable, right?

I don't really have to say anything to explain why she is in my list. She's tiny and snuggly and totally snores. Kinda loudly. And it is so endearing. Maybe I'll have Britt send me the video we took of Molly snoring. And you'll fall in love with her too.

2010-01-05T15:34:00.002-07:00

I really truly had such a great break. I only got sick once and it was on a traveling day when I already feel yucky anyway. So I can't complain too much about that (even though if you know me at all then you also know that I can't not complain at all, I'm a complainer at heart).

I debated all day how to share all of my stories with you and I finally decided that rather than go on forever in one post, I will give you my top five favorite things that happened over break. So here goes:

(Okay, before I actually get going I have to throw in a disclaimer. These top five events are in no particular order...except for maybe the order in which they happened I guess.)

My number one....

I got to visit with one of my oldest bff's. Someone who is family to me and who remembers my family when we were actually a family. Someone who knows Clayton and has actual stories about him. Someone who I spent Thanksgivings and Christmas' with. Someone who still means the world to me. My friend Bekah. She is still just as beautiful and fun and thoughtful as she was when I saw her last 8 years ago.

That's right people, somehow 8 years passed and we hadn't seen each other.

But somehow that didn't even matter. It was like no time passed at all. In fact, I think we bored the other people we had lunch with to death with all of our "remember when's...." We talked, we laughed, we cried. We remembered better times and worst times. And I walked away feeling like it was the best conversation that I had had in ages.

It was the perfect start to a wonderful break. My one regret? That we didn't take a single picture at lunch. Nothing to document that we did, in fact, see each other. Of course, it will be way sooner than 8 years when we see each other next so I'll get some pictures then. And I'll have proof that it actually happened.

2010-01-04T14:45:00.002-07:00

I was all excited to get on and tell you all about my wonderful trips and my visits with the most amazing people ever. But then my day turned from okay into the worst work day ever. And I lost all motivation to write happy things. And I don't want to write about happy things while I'm feeling this bad.

So my wonderful stories will have to wait until tomorrow. And just pray that tomorrow will be better than today.

2009-12-22T14:33:00.002-07:00

My room is cleaned (minus my unmade bed and dirty clothes in the hamper). My bags are packed. I have a great book to try to keep me distracted while on the plane. My Christmas crafts are halfway done (which I must say is pretty good for me). The rest of my unfinished Christmas crafts are packed away to be finished in Maryland. I'm mostly caught up with work. And I get to leave in a half hour for a week and a half break. Hooray!

I may or may not post while I'm in Maryland. It depends how long my camera battery lasts and how much time I have to devote to blogging during the week I am home. I do promise to take pictures and maybe even post some (I know that I've promised that before but this time I actually mean it).

So just in case I don't post in the next few days/weeks...Merry Christmas! I hope you have as wonderful a holiday season as I am planning on having.

2009-12-21T12:43:00.004-07:00

I watched Pride and Prejudice the other night. The only version that is worth watching. The long BBC version. The one where Colin Firth plays Mr. Darcy. Because unless Colin Firth is Mr. Darcy, then I'm not sure that I want to watch it. He seriously has the best stares ever. If you haven't seen this version, you are missing out. Watch it immediately.

Anyway, the amazingness of Colin Firth as Mr. Darcy and the need for everyone to watch the movie are two very good points but not the point I want to make in this post. So I will move on and pretend that everyone has just promised me that they will watch it immediately and now I have peace of mind.

So I'm watching the movie and it gets to the part where Charlotte Lucas accepts Mr. Collins' offer of marriage. In the past I have always despised this part. How could Charlotte marry someone as horrible as Mr. Collins? Why did she give up on finding love? It drove me crazy.

This time I found myself thinking...maybe Charlotte didn't get such a bad deal. She is married and has enough money to live well on. She has a house. She knows that she will be taken care of. And I seriously thought to myself...that doesn't seem so bad. It wasn't until after the movie that I stopped and really thought about this.

Have I reached the point in my life where I would do what Charlotte Lucas did???? As I've gotten older, I've certainly changed some of my marriage criteria and realized that some things are certainly more important than other things in the long run. I've realized that maybe you really do have to settle just a little bit (80% anyone?!?!) But would I settle for someone that I didn't even love just for the peace of mind of not being single anymore? Would I give up on the chance of finding a good relationship built on love just because I couldn't find it in my first 27 years of life? I certainly hope that I haven't reached that point yet. But it's scary that I suddenly think Charlotte's plot in life doesn't seem so bad.

**Footnote: I am not saying, in any stretch of the imagination, that I would settle for Mr. Collins. Because he is creepy. And gross.**

Ten Things You Just Might Not Know About Me

2009-12-10T15:22:00.002-07:00

1. I have a brand new niece...born at 2:06 this afternoon (Maryland time). Her name is Molly Sophia and I bet she is adorable but I haven't been able to receive my picture message since I work way past the middle of nowhere. In the past 16 months, I have acquired four new nieces and 1 nephew with another nephew on the way. When my family decided to get going, the got going fast!

2. I'm always dreaming of my next big career move. Recently I decided that I should become a book on tape reader. I practice my reading skills while I read outloud to the kids during my weekly character ed lessons. I'm getting pretty good.

3. I hate shaving. I mostly hate it because I suck at it. It doesn't matter if I'm in the tub or in the shower or standing or sitting or using soap or shaving gel. I always cut myself. Always. I used to just let my hair grow out during the winter in order to avoid the dreaded chore but I recently made a goal to shave my legs daily. And even though the cuts might be more frequent, I do love the feeling of soft legs.

4. I have a serious addiction to shopping. I'm pretty sure that everyone in my family has the addiction gene. I just decided that rather than alcohol or drugs or exercise or whatever else you can be addicted to, I would be addicted to shopping and to eating. My shopping habits have been a little bit better since moving to the middle of nowhere but I try to make up for it whenever I go to a city.

5. I'm obsessed with random celebrity gossip. I can barely remember a thing from my undergraduate college courses but I know all about who is dating who and where they were seen and what they were wearing. It's kinda embarassing actually.

6. My favorite color of finernail polish is black. It's the goth side of me coming out, I guess. I just love the way it looks...especially on short nails. And my nails are always short since I have a serious nail biting issue.

7. I am super clumsy. Like ridiculously so. I spent most of my teenagerhood with bruised shins from falling up the stairs. Right now I have a cut on my wrist from dropping the back of the truck down on it, I have a cut on the front of my hand from scraping it on the ice that is still covering my car, I have a cut on my finger from where I cut it with a knife, a burn on another finger from the flat iron and then a reburn in the same spot for touching a hot pan, I have a bruise on my knee for consistently hitting it on the way out of the car, and I have 4 cuts on my legs from shaving. Seriously, I shouldn't be let out of the house.

8. I have some serious OCD issues. Like I hate when playing cards are put back into the box facing different directions. Or when pictures hung on the wall aren't straight. And I like things to be clean and organized. It makes my messy life seem a little more in order.

9. I love Diet Coke. And I drink way too much of it on a daily basis. But when you can get a huge refill for only $.52-why not enjoy it?

10. Sometimes when I get really bored, I practice being good at random things. Like I perform math equations in my head. Or stack golf balls. Or play random games. I also practice sudoku and crosswords like there is no tomorrow but that doesn't really count as random!

So there ya go, things you just might not know about me. Although I'm a pretty open person so chances are that you already knew all of these things.

2009-12-09T15:57:00.002-07:00

My sister is having a baby as we speak. Or at least, as I write. And fine...she may not officially be in in labor yet. But she is at the hospital. Which means that hopefully sometime in the next 24 hours I will have a new niece!

Brittany went into the hospital yesterday morning (Utah time) or yesterday afternoon (Maryland time) to be induced. It's been kinda slow going but I'm super excited. Especially since the timing doesn't matter much to me since I won't be able to meet the tiny bundle of joy until Christmas Eve anyways when I fly into MD. **Speaking of which...can you believe that Christmas Eve is only 2 weeks and 1 day away!!! I'll be back in MD before you know it**

So right now I'm sending happy thoughts to Maryland and waiting anxiously by the phone for the phone call that the newest Nuse has arrived!

2009-12-08T12:31:00.002-07:00

In Maryland, a wondrous miracle called a snow day exists. A snow day is when it snows so much that it makes driving dangerous so the school board decides to close down the schools for one day. Students everywhere rejoice and then put on their snow pants and boots and play in the snow until they can't feel their fingers anymore. Then they come inside for delicious hot cocoa and blankets and movies. Noses are red, toes are frozen, and hearts are full. It's amazing.

Apparently in Utah they have never heard of this miracle. Utahns believe that no matter how much snow there is or how dangerous the roads are, school should still be held. Because education is so important to them (is that why Utah is like number 48 on the list of funding for education?!? Because we care so much that we put our children in over populated classrooms with old textbooks?). This morning I woke up to what in Maryland, would have been a joyous sight. A foot and a half of snow that fell overnight and more expected throughout the morning. It would have been amazing except that it was only 5:15 in the morning and I was getting up to go to work.

The roads were horrible, we got stuck a few times, I prayed multiple times for my life. My beautiful snow day was ruined. Thanks a lot Utah. Thanks a lot.

2009-12-07T12:53:00.002-07:00

This is making me smile today:

Want to know what else is making smile? The fact that I moved into my bedroom on Saturday. Which means that I've been sleeping on a real bed for 2 whole nights.

What's not making me smile? The fact that it is snowing outside and it is a Monday.

2009-12-04T13:02:00.003-07:00

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. Well, okay, the truth is that I don't have a bed and I sleep on the 5 foot long couch in the trailer so I can't really wake up on the wrong side of it. But I think you understand what I'm saying.

First of all, I set my alarm for 5:30 PM...which is about 12 hours later than I need to get up in order to make it to work on time. So I didn't wake up until 6:10 when Angie got up and woke me up. Which means that I had to go to work with no shower and no make-up. My hair is a mess and I have a headache and I'm just not happy.

Then on the way to work I became fixated on the fact that no matter what I do, I can't seem to do the right thing in some people's eyes. I got angry, I vented to the ladies I ride with, then I felt guilty for talking. Which is ironic considering the whole reason I was venting was because people keep talking about me behind my back. And yet I'm the one who feels guilty. Story of my life.

I just hate it because I feel like I am doing the best that I know how to do. I wake up each morning and strive to be a little bit better. I do my best not to find faults in others. I forgive over and over. How is that not good enough?

Bah...for once I am really not looking forward to the weekend.

2009-12-03T14:05:00.003-07:00

Dear Glee,

For the past few months you have made me laugh every Wednesday night. Even if I was having a bad night, you managed to cheer me up. Multiple times I have laughed so hard that I cried. Once I even snorted which is the real sign that I am amused.

But luckily my enjoyment wasn't just limited to Wednesday nights. I have rewatched some of your episodes multiple times. (Remember the football one and "Single Ladies" or the mash-ups) I have watched clips online. I have listened to your music pretty much exclusively since the first time I heard it. I'm pretty sure that the ladies I ride with to work are going crazy but I just can't seem to stop.

You make me wish that I had been in the Glee Club when I was in high school. Except that we didn't have a glee club. And I can't sing. Or dance. But every Wednesday night, I can dream that those things weren't so.

I am sad that I will have to go months without watching a new episode. I will have to find new ways to spend my Wednesday nights. I will have to find something else that can amuse me as much as you do. Please hurry back...I may not find reason to snort until you do.

Signed,
Snortless without Glee

PS...for those of you who are truly concerned about my sanity for the next few months, I should let you know that luckily I have a roommate who is just as obsessed (okay, probably more obsessed) than I am and has already pre-ordered the first season of Glee. So while I will be missing out on new episodes, I won't be missing out completely.

2009-12-02T14:38:00.002-07:00

I love December. Listening to Christmas music. Wearing warm coats and mittens and scarves. The smell of pine trees and cinnamon and fires burning. Singing Christmas carols. Giving presents. Making snow angels.

Seriously, could anything be better? And this year, December started off with a bang. (Okay, fine...it was actually November 30 but I totally thought it was December 1st so it counts...don't fight me on this one). We, as in the Blanding single's group, went Christmas caroling. Which isn't my favorite thing to do so I fully intended on mouthing it the entire time. But instead I actually felt like singing. And sing I did. While riding through town on a hay ride. I felt like a little kid again. In a good way. Then we had hot cocoa and hung out by the heater until our little toes and noses warmed up and then we played a rousing game of Apples to Apples. I hadn't had that much fun in a long time.

The 2 days since then haven't been quite as Christmasy but they've still been pretty dang good. I've broken out the Christmas music and the sweaters (and soon my boots will be out and ready for wearing...they are still in storage so I have to find the time to search for them). I'm looking forward to the next 3 weeks leading up to Christmas eve. What are you looking forward to?

2009-11-30T15:14:00.003-07:00

I wonder why the font on my last post is a different color than the other ones? I didn't change anything but somehow it changed itself. Odd.

So I went away for the weekend. Which was what I desperately needed to do. I talked for hours with people who understand me better than I sometimes understand myself. I felt understood and loved and accepted. I laughed and I cried and I just was. I didn't worry about what I was wearing or how bad of a hair day I was having. Because I was surrounded by some of the people I love most in the world.

I may or may not have eaten too much. And I most definitely spent way too much money. But today I woke up and I felt like me. I felt like me and I liked it. So I'll forgive myself for eating too much and for spending too much and I'll just be content. And that's a good place to be.

2009-11-24T08:37:00.002-07:00

Yesterday may have felt a little bit like high school. And not the good parts of high school either (wait, it's been too long, were there good parts in high school?). Remember when you would find out that people were talking about you behind your back or that people were saying things just so that other people wouldn't like you? I totally thought that was something that stopped when you left high school. Bad news-it doesn't. And that is lame.

But as I laid in bed last night thinking about how silly the whole situation was and yet how hurt I still felt, an

old episode of HIMYM came to mind. Honestly, it probably came to mind because of Rachel's awesome post which you can read about here. Basically, a list is developed called the Murtaugh list which spells out all the things that Ted is too old to do. So, in honor of HIMYM and Rachel's own list and my lame situation, I laid in bed and came up with my own list.

I'm too old to pretend to do something that I don't like to do just so I can "fit in".

I'm too old to try to compete for someone's attention.

I'm too old to wear clothes that make me feel uncomfortable.

I'm too old to let other people's opinions about me dictate how I feel about myself.

I'm too old to have acne (oh wait...that's just wishful thinking...and that is totally something I wish would have ended in high school as well!)

I'm way too old to stay up all night and still go to work/school the next day.

I'm old enough to realize that my family and my very best friends are the only people who are truly going to be there for me in the long run.

I'm old enough to realize that the words we use can have a damaging effect on people and we need to be careful about what we say at all times.

I'm old enough to realize that forgiveness is incredibly important. Forgiveness of other people and forgiveness of myself.

I'm old enough to realize that I will never be perfect and that is okay.

I'm old enough to play bingo on Saturday nights because, dang it, it's fun.

I'm old enough to realize that life is short and that sometimes you lose the people that you love way too earlier. So holding on to grudges or being angry just isn't worth it.

And I'm definitely old enough to realize and way too old to care about what other people say about me. I may not be perfect but hey, neither is anyone else. So boo to high school and boo to drama that makes me feel like I'm back in high school.

2009-11-20T12:04:00.004-07:00

For most of my life I have had a rigid set of guidelines for myself (and if I'm being completely honest, for others). Guidelines that dictate what I do in life, how I respond to things, what is acceptable behavior, where I'm going in life. Guidelines that determine whether something is a success or a failure. Guidelines that determine whether I'm a success or failure.

What is that you say? You have no idea what in the world I'm talking about (sadly that is a pretty regular occurence-people having no idea what I'm talking about, that is). Let me provide an example.

At some point in my childhood I decided that while in school, getting A's and B's was completely acceptable. Getting C's, however, was akin to failing. C's were worthless, they signified that I only knew as much as the average student. Except if we are being completely honest, we all know that the average grade isn't really a C...it's probably more like a B- which only strengthens my argument. To get a C would mean that I knew less than the average student. And in my mind, that was not acceptable. So guess what kinds of grades I got in middle school and high school-mostly A's with a couple B's thrown in. Guess what kinds of grades I got in college-mostly B's with a few A's thrown in (don't judge...I played a little bit harder in college than I should have and my grades showed it). Then I picked myself back up for grad school and got mostly A's.

Did I ever get a C, you ask? Sadly, yes. My last semester of my undergraduate work in a History of Philosophy class. It was boring and tedious and I was with a bunch of freshman. In other words, I had zero motivation. But don't worry...that C still wasn't acceptable. I'm pretty sure I told no one about it and convinced myself that it didn't really count. That's how I deal with things. Pretend they don't really count. But that's a whole other story. Back to what I was saying...

I have all these rules that I live my life by. I won't go into them mostly because there are way too many and they are a little too personal for the internet world. And plus I don't really want everyone who reads my blog to know how judgemental I can be of myself.

Anyway, I know a boy. He basically has absolutely no rules for himself. And he's my older brother. We are pretty much exact opposites, except that we are also pretty much the same. Like we are both know-it-alls who "know" that our way is the right way. So I believed that all these rules/guidelines/expectations that I had for myself was the right way. And my brother believed that chilling out and taking life as it comes was the right way. I can't even count how many times my brother has told me to chill out or relax. Probably thousands. Or millions. If I had a penny for every time, I'd be really rich. Which would be awesome. Cause then I wouldn't be in debt anymore. But alas, no pennies.

Okay, on to my main point. The other day my mother told me about an article that she had read that said that swearing actually reduces stress. (Sidenote...not swearing was one of my rules...just so you know). Like if you are driving along and you get in a car accident and you swear, it reduces your stress. At least a little bit. Until you see the bill to fix your car. Then you might have to swear a few more times. I thought long and hard about this one. And the other day I broke down and swore. Just once and for science. Except that I realized that it totally did reduce my stress level. Which made me swallow my pride and realize that maybe my big brother was actually right all along. Maybe I do need to relax just a little bit. So since that first swear word...I've been trying to not get so stressed or disppointed. Especially in myself. And you know what, I like it. It makes life a lot easier to live when there aren't all those damn expectations.

2009-11-10T13:23:00.003-07:00

Yesterday I left my house/trailer at 6:10 am and I got home at 5:00 pm. That's usual for me. And it sucks. So I decided that instead of doing anything, I would sit around and lounge the whole evening. I caught up on the Amazing Race from Sunday. Speaking of which-anyone interested in going on that show with me? I know I hate flying and I get really ornery when I don't have a regular sleep/eating schedule. Still, I think it would be fabulous.

Then I caught up on the HIMYM from last week. Favorite show. Ever. Then I watched half of Biggest Loser but stopped to watch Vampire Diaries with Ang. I'd never seen it before but had been told repeatedly that I needed to watch it, like, now. After I heard that a couple times, I decided to start recording it. Yesterday I watched 4 episodes in a row. That would be all the episodes that had been recorded thus far. I missed all the beginning ones but luckily with CW shows it's pretty easy to catch on to plot lines. I love Stefan. And Boone...oh wait, I mean Damon. And remember how that witch girl's grandma is that girl that used to be on A Different World. It makes me feel really old that she looks so much older. Aging is depressing.

I ended my big night of TV watching by catching the latest episode of Big Bang Theory. That show is my newest favorite. It is hilarious. I even snorted last night while watching it. But don't tell anyone.

I seriously didn't even take a break to make my own dinner, Angie made me mac and cheese which we ate while still watching our show. Then Angie's mom cut us some apples with some butterscotch dip. I think I might have paused the show while her mom came in to give us the apples. It might look like a live a sad and boring life but it was a good night...a night I desperately needed. Now I can get back to reality and my busy non-tv watching schedule.

2009-11-09T14:08:00.002-07:00

"I always pass on good advice. It's the only thing to do with it. It is never any use to oneself." -Oscar Wilde, An Ideal Husband

When I'm trying to get advice on a matter, I always try to find an expert in the field. Except that I don't know very many experts. And I rarely try to get advice anyway because once I have it, I rarely act on it. But last week I decided to seek some advice. Advice on how to deal with the opposite sex. Because as it turns out, I'm kinda retarded when it comes to dating.

For example, when I like a boy, I find it incredibly difficult to carry on any kind of conversation. But those boys that are completely unavailable somehow turn out to be my best friends. Like I said-I'm no good at the whole dating thing.

I decided who better to ask about boys, then a boy? So I turned to my bff of the male gender and asked what, exactly, guys are looking for. And he informed me that boys have no idea what they want. (Which explains about a million things). The trick is not to be/look/act a certain way. The trick is to convince a boy that you are, in fact, what they want. Good advice. But my question now is-how do you go about convincing a guy of that?

2009-11-05T14:18:00.002-07:00

"In that one slight motion, I see the end of hope, beginning of destruction of everything I hold dear in the world. I cant guess what form my punishment will take, how wide the net will be cast, but when it is finished there most likely be nothing left.So you would think that at this moment, I would be in utter despair." — Suzanne Collins (Catching Fire)

I finally acquired a copy of Catching Fire and I finished it in a day flat (it helped that I was sick so I was laying in bed with nothing else to do!). I l.o.v.e. this book. Maybe not as much as Hunger Games but more than most books I waste my time reading. And I am officially in love with Peeta. I would marry him. If he was real and not in love with Katniss I mean.

The bad news is now I am lost without a book to immerse myself in. Any suggestions?