"Find ecstasy in life; the mere sense of living is joy enough."-Emily Dickinson
I rarely admit when I like a boy. Partly because I'm scared of what other people will think and partly because if I actually admit I like someone, then I open myself up to disappointment and hurt if it doesn't work out.
It's silly that I'm 27 years old and I still worry about what other people think, right? That seems like something you should get over when you are in middle school or something. Which reminds me of one of my favorite stories from middle school sleepover history. The Fab Five (my dad's nickname for the group of us that hung out in high school) were all at my house for our regular weekend sleepover. Which of course included talking about all of the boys that we were currently interested in. I don't even remember who I said I liked but Morgo responded with "Eww...he's not cute...his eyes are too close together!" Sadly, I still worry about the same things today. Like what if I admit that I like someone and my friends tell me that his eyes are too close together, that he's not cute enough, smart enough, or good enough? If I only admit liking someone to myself, then I can imagine that everyone in the world would think that he was as great as I myself do.
Then there's the other part of not admitting it. The part where I could possibly get hurt. And somehow I trick myself into thinking that if I don't admit out loud that I like someone, then the hurt will be less. Obviously not true but I like living under these lies that I constantly tell myself.
So the point is, I never tell anyone. And yesterday I admitted to "being interested" in someone. Now I just have to worry about convincing them to being interested in me!
4 comments:
I wish you would've left my name out of this post :) It makes me sound like the shallow middleschooler that I was! I'm sorry that I ever said something that horrible! And now I can tell you with my wise old age that I try not to judge people like that anymore!
I still care about what people think and when Perry and I got engaged I was wondering how people would react. But I can tell you that I also had the attitude that I didn't care what people thought because I loved him and that's all that mattered!! So, keep your head held high and put your heart & soul into this new interest- you'll never know if you don't try and your opinion is the only one that counts! I love you!
Camille- I think that is so fun that you may like someone. I hope all is going well with you. Keep me updated!
I know what you mean. The trick to getting Colton was that I was older than him and didn't think he would be interested in me, that way I was myself around him and not didn't get all nervous like I usually did around guys I liked. Good luck Camille!
I'll send you a copy of 'Catching Fire'...how does mail get to Blanding? Pony Express??
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