So I've been thinking, why is it that you can break-up with a boyfriend when you are in a relationship that is obviously not working, but you can't break-up with your friends when you are in a relationship that is obviously not working?
I've been in dysfunctional relationships in the past-both the love kind of relationships and the friendship kind of relationships. The love kind of relationships always ended after a few months because things "just weren't working" anymore.
We both went our seperate ways, sometimes with hurt feelings, sometimes not. We would maybe send an email occasionally-even less frequently we might get together for lunch. We didn't hate each other (at least after some time had passed we didn't hate each other). We just knew that the relationship didn't make us better people and we moved on.
But I've had way too many friendships that just don't work...but instead of accepting the fact and moving on, I keep trying to make the friendship work. Why?
I'm sick of friendships that make me feel like I'm not good enough-and I think if there was a way to "break-up" now would be the time.
5 comments:
I submit you abseloutely can break up with a friend. I've done it. Any friend that brings negativity into your life is NOT WORTH it! It will be hard, painful, and emotional. And you will have to fight the urge to call back and apologize and rekindle things. Choose a date and a place where you can meet, tell your friend you have something you need to talk about. You have to pray your heart out that when you talk to her you can remain calm, kind, and rational. Simply tell her, this is hard but I cannot be your friend anymore. It is hurting me. I wish you the very best in life, I have no ill feelings but I just need to move on. She will be upset, she wont get it, she will demand why. You do not owe her any reasons or excuses. Just stay firm and give simple politician answers, " I have already decided this is what is best for me." "I am truly sorry that you do not understand" Most importantly keep it short and do not allow her to drag it on or guilt you into a friendship. Keep it short and keep the ball in your court and leave when you've said what you need to say. Don't let it turn ugly.
I've also done it the other way where I just began ignoring her. I wouldn't return phone calls, I avoided her, etc. But what is worse is my heart was filled with malice and I'd gossip about her and look for every.little.thing she did wrong and feel the need to point it out to someone. This route took me a lot more healing and forgiving of myself and her. I handled it wrong in every way and was filled with so much guilt.
By stark contrast, the other friendship that I "broke" off literally ended immediatley. I felt a bit guilty for maybe 2 days and after that I felt so free! And, of course it opened the door for true friendships to come into my life.
I know the Lord will send us true friends when we need them most. And I firmly believe some people get in the way of our true friends.
Sorry for the novel, but YOU CAN DO IT Camille! I know you can. Call me if you want to talk about it.
Thanks Bekah...you are the best! I wish that we lived much closer to eachother so we could visit more often. And I want to come see you..I'm just not sure when I'll be down there again. Soon, I hope.
I think because you are a counselor people like to turn you into their personal shrink. This can be good but usually leads to dependent friends who take more than they give. You are just so wonderful that people latch on to you!
I've had to break up with friends in the past but I must admit to taking the chicken way out by just stopping any attempt to contact them. Usually if I'm not initiating anything they will eventually move on.
This might sound cold but I have be in friendships that build me up (everyone goes through tough spats and that's fine too). I need people in my life that want to be with me and accept me for me.
The best kinds of friends are ones that you don't have to see often but that connection is always there. Like you and me, we see each other a couple of times a year and yet we still benefit from the friendship. There are few people I'd rather spend an afternoon with.
Btw- Any thoughts to Hawaii next summer? It won't be the same without you!
Thanks for being my friend. Love you!
Thanks Rachel! I would love to go to Hawaii but I'm on a new "get out of debt" plan so I don't know if I can make it this year. Unless I fall into some money of course :) Sad, huh? I'll keep you posted on this weekend...I have quite a few birthdays (Heidi, grandpa, and 2 cousins!) so I'll be making the rounds. If I don't catch you this time...definitely next time. And thanks to you for being a good friend with no drama!
Sure thing. I hate drama. Anna is going to be with me this weekend so I'm not sure on my schedule. I understand if it doesn't work out. If it doesn't give me a call and we can catch up. Take care.
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