Another Tomorrow

For most of my life I have had a rigid set of guidelines for myself (and if I'm being completely honest, for others). Guidelines that dictate what I do in life, how I respond to things, what is acceptable behavior, where I'm going in life. Guidelines that determine whether something is a success or a failure. Guidelines that determine whether I'm a success or failure.

What is that you say? You have no idea what in the world I'm talking about (sadly that is a pretty regular occurence-people having no idea what I'm talking about, that is). Let me provide an example.

At some point in my childhood I decided that while in school, getting A's and B's was completely acceptable. Getting C's, however, was akin to failing. C's were worthless, they signified that I only knew as much as the average student. Except if we are being completely honest, we all know that the average grade isn't really a C...it's probably more like a B- which only strengthens my argument. To get a C would mean that I knew less than the average student. And in my mind, that was not acceptable. So guess what kinds of grades I got in middle school and high school-mostly A's with a couple B's thrown in. Guess what kinds of grades I got in college-mostly B's with a few A's thrown in (don't judge...I played a little bit harder in college than I should have and my grades showed it). Then I picked myself back up for grad school and got mostly A's.

Did I ever get a C, you ask? Sadly, yes. My last semester of my undergraduate work in a History of Philosophy class. It was boring and tedious and I was with a bunch of freshman. In other words, I had zero motivation. But don't worry...that C still wasn't acceptable. I'm pretty sure I told no one about it and convinced myself that it didn't really count. That's how I deal with things. Pretend they don't really count. But that's a whole other story. Back to what I was saying...

I have all these rules that I live my life by. I won't go into them mostly because there are way too many and they are a little too personal for the internet world. And plus I don't really want everyone who reads my blog to know how judgemental I can be of myself.

Anyway, I know a boy. He basically has absolutely no rules for himself. And he's my older brother. We are pretty much exact opposites, except that we are also pretty much the same. Like we are both know-it-alls who "know" that our way is the right way. So I believed that all these rules/guidelines/expectations that I had for myself was the right way. And my brother believed that chilling out and taking life as it comes was the right way. I can't even count how many times my brother has told me to chill out or relax. Probably thousands. Or millions. If I had a penny for every time, I'd be really rich. Which would be awesome. Cause then I wouldn't be in debt anymore. But alas, no pennies.

Okay, on to my main point. The other day my mother told me about an article that she had read that said that swearing actually reduces stress. (Sidenote...not swearing was one of my rules...just so you know). Like if you are driving along and you get in a car accident and you swear, it reduces your stress. At least a little bit. Until you see the bill to fix your car. Then you might have to swear a few more times. I thought long and hard about this one. And the other day I broke down and swore. Just once and for science. Except that I realized that it totally did reduce my stress level. Which made me swallow my pride and realize that maybe my big brother was actually right all along. Maybe I do need to relax just a little bit. So since that first swear word...I've been trying to not get so stressed or disppointed. Especially in myself. And you know what, I like it. It makes life a lot easier to live when there aren't all those damn expectations.