I still don't have any pictures, my camera battery is dead. I am sometimes lame like that. Especially since I would have loved to have pictures from this weekend when the majority of my loved ones were with me for the day.

So my weekend started out on quite the wrong note. I woke up Friday to school being cancelled and a huge blizzard...the biggest one in a decade. There was snow everywhere, ice underneath, and my car was stuck in the driveway. Friday consisted of shoveling and digging out. And crying. Because I suddenly doubted whether my family and friends could make it in that kind of weather. And as much as I wanted them to come, I also wanted them to be safe. I spent the majority of the day talking on the phone, crying, crying while talking on the phone. It wasn't pretty.

And then I got the overwhelming feeling that I just needed to have faith. It was like a voice spoke to my mind and told me to just have a little faith and everything would turn out. And of course, the quiet voice that whispered to my soul was completely right. My mom, grandpa, aunt and cousin made it in safely Friday afternoon. I got the call from the temple saying they would be open Saturday. My friends arrived later Friday night.

I woke up Saturday to blue skies and sunshine. And calls from more relatives saying they were on their way to Monticello. It was a beautiful morning and it prepared me for the beauty that I would soon be able to partake in. Saturday reminded me of who I truly am, a daughter of God. Of how much He loves each of us. Of how mindful He is of every once of us. And of the power of faith.


Image from here

I have a lot of thoughts that go through my head that I never share with anyone. Because if I shared all of them, people would think I was crazy. And I would never stop talking because it would take me forever to share and then explain, all those thoughts.

One of the thoughts that consistently runs through my head is-If my life were a musical, what song would best fit this moment?

Sometimes I make up songs, sometimes its just a running soundtrack of popular music. Every once in awhile I break into song and people give me a funny look (that could also be because I am not musically talented).

Today, if my life were a musical, I would be singing Something Good from Sound of Music. Except that it would go a little more like "Somewhere in my youth or childhood, I must have done something wrong."

Because I obviously must have done something wrong. Otherwise why would it have snowed 2 feet the day before all my friends and family are coming into town for my special day?

A Break, A Package, A Move

I'm taking a break from my top five favorite things about Christmas break mostly just because I don't feel like writing about it today. Because I have other things to say.

Like...I got a package yesterday! Proof that someone loves me.

Oh wait, except that it was from Shade. And that I had bought all of it with my own money. Maybe it's just proof that I love myself? Of course, who better to love me?

I got home from work yesterday to a lovely little bag with my name written on the label. And inside were three beautiful new shirts and one amazing cardigan (because although even the Kindergarteners have started to recognize that I always wear cardigans, I still can't stop myself).

For me, shopping is an addiction, and like any addiction, I felt a wonderful surge of energy and happiness upon opening my little package and seeing my new things. The joy even lasted until this morning when I got to wake up and put together a new outfit.

The good news now is that I pretty much own the entire Shade line so my bank account can have a little break until they come out with something new. I should seriously be a model for them. I need the extra cash. They might need someone to model the clothes that aren't an XS. I'm just saying.

Speaking of extra cash, I don't have any. Because as I mentioned before, looks like I'll be moving to a new place this weekend. And apparently I didn't prep anyone for that news so now everyone is all confused. So here's the story in a nutshell...

Last year I decided that I would move to Blanding for this school year and be roomies with my friend Angie. Because living in Halchita kinda sucked. So we made all these plans and her parents decided they would finish the basement for us to move into. Except when I came back to Blanding in August, nothing was finished. Literally, nothing. So Angie and I moved into the camping trailer in the backyard. Both of us, in one trailer. With all my shoes and clothes. It wasn't pretty.

Last month, my room in the basement was finally finished, so I moved in. Then Angie's brother came home from his mission and suddenly there were 7 of us living between 3 bedrooms with only 2 bathrooms. This also hasn't been pretty. Still no bathroom, no kitchen, no living room and no foreseeable end date. So Angie and I started talking about moving somewhere new.

The new place is old and kinda run down and I totally love it. There are a few girls already living there but we each have our own bedroom with a bathroom attached. I can live with that. So the weekend will be devoted to settling in, once again, to a new place. And charging camera batteries and taking pictures, cause I'll need pictures of this one!

I might need some retail therapy on Monday to recover.

Time Passed...

For those of you that are concerned about my state of stressful living and my lack of sleeping, I have good news. My project at work is almost finished (I've been saying that for like a month but this time I really mean it, it's so close I can taste it), I found a place to move into that is so fun (think of an old house in a scary movie...textured wallpaper and all) and I have a final number of family/friend that will be here in 1.5 weeks and I've decided to let them worry about where they are sleeping and I'll just worry about my own sleeping.

So my biggest stress for today is thinking about moving all my stuff (again) this weekend. But i will be worth it. And I'll just think of it like a work out and then I'll feel better about myself anyway. Yeah me!

But enough about stress. I hate stress. I want to forget it and live in the moment. So to celebrate, here is my number 4 favorite thing about my break:

I got to reconnect with another old friend out in Maryland. I first met Tara in the 5th grade, we hung out in the 6th grade and we became inseperable best friends in the 7th grade.

She called after Clayton passed away and just talked to me. Looking back, she was probably scared to call because she had no idea what to say but she didn't let that stop her. She filled me in on school, I cried and told her I couldn't go on and she told me that she would always be there for me. And she was. She came to Clayton's viewing and cried with me. She didn't even really know Clayton but she knew that because he was gone, a part of me was gone.

Tara was there when I didn't get asked to Homecoming and everyone else did, when I had my first (and second and third) heartbreak, when my parents got divorced, when my dad got remarried.

We remained friends despite fights with friends and fights over boys. We lasted through high school and through college. We were "always and forever friends", siamese twins seperated at birth (I have a brown spot on my left hand and she has a white spot on her left hand...proof that we must have once been attached) and champion note writers. We were best friends-sisters-plain and simple.

And then somehow, I lost touch with one of the most important people in my life. I'm not sure how or when it happened exactly. I just remember talking on the phone one time and telling her that my grandmother had died the month before. My grandmother, who had played such an important part in my life, had passed away and I hadn't even thought to call my best friend.

We had grown apart without me even being aware of it. Since that day there have been so many times when I wanted to call her and tell her everything.

But like with all friends that you lose contact with, you wonder if they really want to hear from you.

So I didn't call, didn't text, didn't email. I stopped calling when I would go home because I thought she would be too busy for me. Or that we had finally reached a point in our lives where all our differences overshadowed our similarities.

And just like with Bekah, somehow 5 years passed by. 5 years.

I thought of Tara often but I wasn't brave enough to make the first step. But just like that first phone call after Clayton passed away, Tara was brave enough to pick up the phone. We only had a couple hours to spend together and we had way too much time to make up for. She's engaged and has a baby. I finished grad school and work on the indian reservation. We have new people that are parts of our lives and new experiences. Maybe for some people it would have been impossible to overcome all those changes, but for us-always and forever friends-it felt just like a beginning.

We talked like we had never been apart. Hanging out in her parents basement just like I had for so many days growing up. Her mom came down and called me "Big Wheel"-a nickname that I had completely forgotten about. Her dad made silly jokes and teased us. Her brother came down and gave me the biggest hug. Tara and I were together again. And I was home.

Numbers 2 and 3...because I can

I woke up with huge bags under my eyes this morning. Mostly because I didn't sleep last night. Well, I guess I must have slept at least a little bit since I did wake up!

But you know what I'm saying. Those nights when you are up every hour on the hour. When you wake up thinking about the million things that are currently going on in your life. So you know that even while you are "sleeping" your brain is trying to work out solutions to everything that is currently causing stress.

That was me. Last night. The bags and dark circles under my eyes prove it. Work has been stressful. The currently living situation has been stressful. Planning for everyone to come visit has been stressful (plus super exciting!!!). I keep thinking-one more month and it will all be over.

Of course, in one more month there will probably be a whole new set of things to keep me stressed.

But I decided to take a break from worrying about life and actually finish what I started last week. And so I present to you...

My number 2 favorite thing that happened this break:

Having the best Christmas morning with my mom and little sister plus her cute family. No big surprise, I woke up Christmas morning sick and then realized that my camera battery had died. Apparently there will never again be pictures on this blog! Despite being sick, it was a beautiful Christmas morning.

It had been years since I had been home for Christmas. And years since I had spent Christmas with little kids. The excitement over Santa Clause coming was contagious. Santa...aka my mom...completely spoiled me. I told her she gave me way too much but I secretly (or not so secretly) loved it all.

There was a fire and sticky buns and stockings...I felt just like I had when I was a little kid. Loved, loved, loved it.

Of course, Christmas break/Christmas morning was also wonderful because I got to meet one of the cutest baby girls ever. Which leads me to number 3. I know, right? Lucky you to get 2 of my favorite things in one post!

Meet my newest niece. Adorable, right?


I don't really have to say anything to explain why she is in my list. She's tiny and snuggly and totally snores. Kinda loudly. And it is so endearing. Maybe I'll have Britt send me the video we took of Molly snoring. And you'll fall in love with her too.

I really truly had such a great break. I only got sick once and it was on a traveling day when I already feel yucky anyway. So I can't complain too much about that (even though if you know me at all then you also know that I can't not complain at all, I'm a complainer at heart).

I debated all day how to share all of my stories with you and I finally decided that rather than go on forever in one post, I will give you my top five favorite things that happened over break. So here goes:

(Okay, before I actually get going I have to throw in a disclaimer. These top five events are in no particular order...except for maybe the order in which they happened I guess.)

My number one....

I got to visit with one of my oldest bff's. Someone who is family to me and who remembers my family when we were actually a family. Someone who knows Clayton and has actual stories about him. Someone who I spent Thanksgivings and Christmas' with. Someone who still means the world to me. My friend Bekah. She is still just as beautiful and fun and thoughtful as she was when I saw her last 8 years ago.

That's right people, somehow 8 years passed and we hadn't seen each other.

But somehow that didn't even matter. It was like no time passed at all. In fact, I think we bored the other people we had lunch with to death with all of our "remember when's...." We talked, we laughed, we cried. We remembered better times and worst times. And I walked away feeling like it was the best conversation that I had had in ages.

It was the perfect start to a wonderful break. My one regret? That we didn't take a single picture at lunch. Nothing to document that we did, in fact, see each other. Of course, it will be way sooner than 8 years when we see each other next so I'll get some pictures then. And I'll have proof that it actually happened.

I was all excited to get on and tell you all about my wonderful trips and my visits with the most amazing people ever. But then my day turned from okay into the worst work day ever. And I lost all motivation to write happy things. And I don't want to write about happy things while I'm feeling this bad.

So my wonderful stories will have to wait until tomorrow. And just pray that tomorrow will be better than today.