After a lot of thinking the past few days, I decided that it was time to take some action. There are all kinds of things that I always talk about doing but then never actually follow through on.

Yesterday I decided that now is the time for action. No more just thinking about it and debating about it. So this morning I started on my first step to the new me...

Getting healthy.

I've been talking about getting healthy/losing weight for like the past five years. I have even given it some half-hearted attempts. But I never fully committed myself. I have some ideas of why I never did but I won't bore you with all of my inner drama. The point is, this time I'm committed.

(If you need further proof that I'm inspired, I got online this morning and found this post from one of my new favorite blogs)

My goal for day 1? Make better eating choices. Drink water. Take vitamins. Do all the things (in regards to eating) that I know I should be doing and none of the things that I know I shouldn't be. Each day I'll add in something else that will make me a better person. Closer to the person that I ultimately want to be.

Now I just need your support (and your prayers) that I can keep the commitment that I have now.

Do you ever stop missing someone who has left you?

It's been over 15 years. Fifteen years since I said goodbye and I still think of Clayton every single day.

Some days I still want to stay in bed and cry. Cry because the thought of him being gone forever still hurts. Cry because I can't remember the sound of his laugh or voice. Cry because now I can't remember if I really remember him.

Some days I smile when I think of him. Smile because I know that he must be happier where he is now. Smile because of the knowledge that I have that we will be together again one day. Smile because even though I miss him, I still had the chance to know him.

I wonder what he would look like. I wonder what he would have made of himself. And perhaps selfishly, I wonder what my life would have been like if he hadn't left.

He was my brother, the goofy little boy that made everyone smile with his mischevious grin. The one who snuck dead moles into the house in his lunchbox. Who collected acorns outside of the church. Who carried around his toy boxer everywhere he went. The one who snuck out of the bathroom window so he could explore the world.

I'm guessing the missing never stops just like the loving never does either.

Sunday is Valentine's Day. A day that constantly reminds those of us that are single...that we are still single.

Coupled people get flowers and chocolates and jewelry.

Single people get sympathy and a box from their mom (not that I'm complaining about getting a box from my mom, I love getting packages!!! I'm just complaining that it's not a box from some cute guy who obviously has a crush on me).

But I still can't help but like Valentine's Day. Maybe because it reminds me of the things that I do have in my life.

In honor of the day of love, here are some things that I love:

Number 1...my cute little nieces/nephew





Number 2...my mama and my sisters (I love my dad and brother as well of course)


(If you are wondering if that is the back of my mom's head...it is. She hates taking pictures so it's the best I could do)

Number 3...my bestest friends




Plus a few more million things that I love. Like my bestest friends growing up (Morgan, Bekah, Tara, Jessica) who hold a special place in my heart. Hawaii. traveling. chocolate. good TV. Pride and Prejudice. a good book. a Diet Coke. a comfy bed. owls. shopping. cowboy hats. rain boots. sunny days. Cafe Rio pork anything. my extended family. haunted houses. the internet. And most importantly, a loving Father and two brothers watching out for me from up above.

I may not have someone special to celebrate Valentine's Day with, but my heart is still filled with a whole lot of love.

I'm not a huge fan of change. I like things to stay exactly the same until I'm ready for them to change. I especially hate when things change at the very last minute and I have no time to prepare for it. When this happens, I fall apart. I may cry, I make lock myself into my room and sulk for awhile, I may just leave and give myself some time to be by myself. It's not something that I will apologize for, it's just who I am.

I hate change...except when it comes to my own personal style. And in that area, I love change. On a whim, I may go to the salon and come home with a different color hair, or a completely different hairstyle. I'm open to change when it comes to my hair.

So it shouldn't come as a surprise to you that while I was up in Salt Lake last weekend, I gave my favorite baby sister a call and asked her to change things up for me. I got there and said...make me blonde. Put highlights in. Make me feel like someone new.

She did and I do. I feel refreshed and ready to take on the world. I feel like a new woman.

Too bad the kids at school informed me that dying my hair is going to give me split ends and that the blonde makes me look like a college student rather than a teacher! Oh well, you can't please everyone!

And stay tuned for pictures...I swear to you that I will be taking some this weekend and will be posting them just for you.

I can always tell when I look at old pictures if it was a time in my life when I was really, truly happy. You can see it in the eyes and the smile. You can tell whether I'm feeling confident or insecure. Whether I think I look fat or whether I don't really care. Whether I'm living in the moment or letting everything build up until it is too much to handle.

I think if I took a picture of myself right now, I'd look pretty much like I look in this one:



I was happy in this picture. Happy about where I was in life and with who I was.

I feel the same way now. I'm happy with the path my life has taken, even though it was completely unexpected. I'm grateful to have old friends that know me and understand me and love me and I'm grateful for new friends who I get to completely reinvent myself with. I'm excited for where my life will go next and what lies around the next bend. I'm excited for new opportunities to grow and change. I'm content with the choices I have made thus far. I'm happy.

I've been on a gLee marathon. That is, a marathon that only takes place between the hours of 5 and 10 pm (after I get home from work and before I crash for the night) and in between everything else that is happening in my life.


I thought that if I just made it to February, life would finally slow down.

But here it is the 2nd day of the month and I haven't seen any slowing yet. But don't worry, I still make time for gLee.



And I'll obviously make time for Lost. Because I l.o.v.e it. And because I once saw Sawyer in Hawaii except that at that time I didn't know it was Sawyer because I hadn't started watching Lost yet. But now I've watched it and I know who he is, and I love it all the more because I've totally seen him in person.

So when I complain about how I never have any time to get anything done, please remind me that I spend hours (hours people) each week on these two shows. Maybe it will instill some guilt in me and I'll do something productive.