Remember when I had a blog and I used to actually write on it? And then I got lame and completely stopped for like 8 months.
And now probably no one even reads it anymore but I suddenly got an urge to start writing again?
I'll fill you in with the quick version of where I've been the past 6 months. It all started with a temple trip around the northern United States with Angie. From Blanding to Billings to Bismark to St. Paul to Chicago to Detroit to Palmyra to Boston to Manhattan to DC. Then back across to Columbus to Nauvoo to St. Louis to Winter Quarters to Denver. It took a month. A really fun month.
Then I got back and decided to accept a counseling job in Monument Valley. Same job, same kids, new school. This is pretty much the view from my nice huge office.


It's okay, obviously.

Then once school started, I decided I might as well start dating someone and met Tom.
This is Tom:

He is okay too. I kinda like him a lot.

That has pretty much been keeping me busy. Work and a boyfriend.

I do have some good stories from this year so maybe I'll actually update this a little more frequently. Because who knows what could happen in the next 6 months of my life.

This is Alaska:

It looks cold, doesn't it?

I'm thinking about applying for a job there and then I think...am I crazy??

Do I really want to leave good old Blanding Utah and head somewhere even more remote?

Am I ready to say goodbye to a place that has become my home in the past 3 years?

Do I even have a choice since I have no idea if I will actually have a job here?

Have I mentioned that I hate making decisions?

I'm struggling with the fact that it isn't summer yet.

And that it is still cold in southern Utah.

And that I'm at work instead of still in bed.

Summer can't come soon enough.

I'm a Dreamer...

Yep, I'm a dreamer. I've always had pretty intense and vivid dreams. As far back as I can remember, I can remember dreaming. (Remind me to tell you my orange soda dream one day).

Last night was no exception. And I remember them fairly clearly. Maybe because I slept so poorly due to allergies and an eye infection and a thunderstorm.

But sleeping poorly isn't really the point, the point is that my dreams were weird. And to prove just how weird I dream, I will tell you the two most vivid dreams I remember from last night.

Dream 1:

I was hanging out with friends. Not weird because I'm always hanging out with friends. Except that we were hanging out in a ginormous tree house. The house was actually inside of the tree and had multiple rooms. So there we are hanging out and singing karaoke (because why wouldn't I be singing karaoke inside of a tree??). Then one of my friends suddenly gets down on one knee and proposes to me. And I say yes and put on this gorgeous huge yellow diamond ring. When I woke up, I sitll felt like I had that huge rock on my finger. And ya know what else-as soon as I had that ring on my finger, I realized I loved this guy.

Too bad in real life he is already married. We might have had a future there somewhere :)

So I'm in love and have a huge beautiful ring. Nice dream. Now on to...

Dream 2:

I walk into a house. A super nice house with a lovely dining room table all decorated for some kind of party. And I realize the party is for me. Yeah! I look around and realize that all of my friends and family are there. Yeah again! We sit down to this beautiful dinner and we are all eating and talking and having a lovely time. I go into the kitchen with my aunt to refill drinks for everyone when I turn to her and tell her that I am dying. And that toinght is my last night. She starts crying, I start crying. People hear us and wander into the kitchen. I announce to everyone that I won't be around much longer and suddenly I am angry and scared and sad.

Apparently my friends and family were a little scared of this announcement so they all left. Except for 2 lovely friends who decided they better stay with me in my last few hours. One of my friends tries to give me some sleeping pills to help me calm down and drift uneventfully into the next life. Except the pills appear to have the opposite effect and I'm wide awake and even more scared. The dream ends with me taking my last few breaths.

Now I just need someone to tell me what these dreams mean...

These are a few of my favorite things...

Just to remind me that there is plenty to be thankful for...


My cute nephew Osborne who just had his first birthday.


Spring...and spring flowers!


Happy memories of Hawaii.


The beautiful country that I live in.


Friends who keep me grounded.


A reminder that there is a plan for me and someone who is making sure that plan will unfold how and when it is supposed to.

When a ? looms larger than an !

I've been stressed lately. My doctor will surely not be happy that my stress hormones have peaked once again.

But it can't be helped.

Because I may or may not have received a letter saying that the funding for elementary counselors has been cut.

Good ole budget cuts.

So now I need to decide what to do with my life. Which I would have to say is one of the most stressful things in the world.

I can go anywhere, do anything, whatever I choose to do. The only problem is that with a million different opportunities, things tend to just get more stressful to me.

Because I want to make sure I'm in the right place at the right time. That I'm exactly where I need to be.

And while lots of people think I'm crazy for saying this-most the time I feel like right here-in the middle of nowhere-is where I need to be.

So do I wait around and hope a job becomes available (which people higher up than me seem to think is a good possibility) or do I bite the bullet and move somewhere new, try something else?

I keep trying to get someone to tell me what to do but no one will...but I'll ask one more time for good measure. What should I be doing?

Sorry I've been m.i.a. for awhile.

Could be because I spent some time here...


St. George, UT temple

And here...


Las Vegas, NV temple

Also here...


Relands, CA temple

Plus a little jaunt here...


Los Angeles, CA temple

Another stop here...


Newport Beach, CA temple

And one last stop here...



San Diego, CA temple

My friends and I may have spent spring break on a little southern Utah/Vegas/southern California temple tour.

I may just try to post some picture of us actually there. But I'm not making any promises.

If I had to vote...

I may or may not constantly be trying to convince my cousins that I am their favorite.

And if we had a family council and a vote for favorite cousin came up, I like to think that I'd come out victorious.

I'll try to poll the cousins at our next family reunion and let you know how I do.

Where I've been

"A new experience can be extremely pleasurable, or extremely irritating, or somewhere in between, and you never know until you try it out."
— Lemony Snicket



When I was about 15, I remember being at church and talking with the other girls about when we would get married and have children. I think we even wrote down our guesses so we could look back one day and see how close we were.

I'm pretty sure that everyone thought I would be married when I was 21. And when I was 21, I'm positive that I thought I would be married by the time I was 25 and when I was 25, I was sure I would be married by the time I turned 29. And here I am, 2 months away from turning 29 and my life is nowhere close to where I had imagined it would be.

Am I disappointed that my life is so different than my 15 year old self imagined it? Sometimes. Am I scared that my life might never turn out the way I want it to? Yep. But would I take back any of the experiences that I've had in the past 14 years? Absolutely not.

If I would have been married at 21 (or even at 25 for that matter), I probably would have never gone to grad school, or vacationed in Hawaii, or traveled the US so extensively, or moved to Blanding, or met the amazing people I have. I would have missed out on so many things that have made me who I am.

Three years ago, I would have never dreamed that I would be living in small town Utah, working on the Indian reservation. But I will always remember the feeling that I got as I drove from Salt Lake to Mexican Hat. The feeling that I was home.

That maybe for the first time in my life, I was exactly where I was supposed to be when I was supposed to be there.

So while my life might be different than I planned, I'm grateful to know that the plan for my life is still right on track.

Has it really been 2 weeks since I wrote last??

It's probably a combination of being super busy and yet having nothing blog-worthy to write about.

At least that is how it has felt lately.

But this week I will blog (and consequently try to find things to do to make my life a little more interesting so that you won't die of boredom reading this).

Another goal...take more dang pictures. Because I know you want to see more of me and my life!

For now I just wanted you to know that I'm still alive. And expect more from me very soon :)

It's time for an intervention.

Dear World,

Remember the days before cell phones and ipods and computers and texting and im'ing and emailing and facebook and dvd's and even blogging?

Remember when you used to communicate with people by actually having a face to face conversation? When you used to sit in a room with people and talk without being interrupted by ringtones and beeps? I miss those days.

I miss the days when I used to be able to talk to people and have them look me in the eyes. When a night out with friends meant that you got their undivided attention. Somedays I actually miss being technology free.

My own obsession with technology started slowly. I didn't have the internet at home until my junior year of high school. But once it came, along came emailing and im'ing. And I remember at least two important high school conversations taking place over the computer rather than in person. Then came college.

I still remember the day when I sat 500 feet away from a friend and im'd them instead of talked to them. It's when I first realized technology could pose a threat.

Then came the cell phone. A year later, texting. A couple years after that, an ipod. A laptop. A touch ipod with internet capabilities. Myspace. Facebook.

A million things that can distract me from real human relationships.

I vow to stop letting my cell phone conversations distract me from real conversations. I vow to call instead of text (at least some of the time). I vow to only chat on facebook when I don't have anyone "real" to chat with.

And I think some of you, world, should vow to do the same. Because I'm tired of having only half of your attention. I'm tired of hanging out with my friends and their cell phones.

I want a little piece of the "before technology" world back.

The end.

I'm usually not a big celebrator of Valentine's Day. Mostly because in the past 28 years, I've been single on Valentine's Day for 26 of them. And who wants to celebrate a day of being in love when you aren't.

I don't normally throw anti-Valentine's Day parties, or cry myself to sleep or shoot arrows back at cupid. I do what I do best...I ignore that the day even exists.

That way I don't feel too sorry for my lonesome self :)

But this year I decided that I would not ignore the day and I would not feel sorry for myself and I would not let my friends feel sorry for themselves either.



So I made some cute little homemade Valentine's and some delicious homemade sugar cookies. I wrote thoughtful little notes. And I decided that I would deliver some love to the friends around town that I love best.

And you know what? Valentine's Day seemed a whole lot more fun. I even wore a pink shirt in celebration.

Even though I might not have that "special someone" in my life just yet, I have a whole lot of people that I love that I can celebrate with instead.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Baby It's Cold Outside

The weather outside right now...9 degrees. But it feels like a balmy -5.

And guess who currently doesn't have heat or hot water in their house?

Of course our heater would break on the coldest days of the year. And of course our pipes would consequently freeze.

I know I shouldn't complain because there are people far worse off than me but...

I really hate the cold.

Monday morning thoughts...

1. This summer I'm totally going to NYC and then making a stop at Carlos' Bakery. Because I love Cake Boss and his totally awesome skills at making huge and extravegant cakes.

2. Speaking of this summer, have I mentioned that I'm taking a super long road trip with my roomie? Because I am. And if you live anywhere outside of Utah and in the northern half of the United States, don't be surprised if I call asking if you'd like some couch surfers for a night :)

3. I thought I would like contacts a whole lot more than I actually do. I love not having to actually wear glasses and I love being able to wear sunglasses and headbands again. And I love that it is mostly just like having good eyes again. But I so don't love that my eyes are really dry and sometimes my vision is cloudy. Is that normal?

4. I just got back from a wedding and I thought-I need to write down all the people whose wedding's I have attended so that when **positive thoughts to the universe** I get married, I can send all of them announcements to my wedding and get some nice presents back in return.

5. Does that make me selfish that I want to get presents in return for all of the presents that I have gifted?

6. I didn't wash my hair this morning and it saved me a good 25 minutes and miracle of miracles, it doesn't look horrible.

7. I don't like Monday's. I'm ready for Tuesday.

I've been feeling kinda blah lately. I haven't been satisfied with the way I look or the way I do my job or my relationships with other people.

I've been feeling a lot of the not good enough blues.

Which probably, most likely, definitely stem from me comparing myself to other people instead of just appreciating who I am.

Then I taught relief society on Sunday and while I was teaching I thought, enough is enough. I need to change my attitude.

So this week I have focused on changing the things I can and letting go of everything else.



I've worked hard to make my prayers more meaningful and consistent along with my scripture study.

I got contacts. Because even though people thought I looked fine with glasses and some people like me better with glasses, I felt like I wasn't pretty. And why suffer with thinking I don't look pretty with something that is so easy to change? So contacts are in.

Today I pick up my prescription for accutane so I can finally forever be rid of my oily skin and lovely breakouts. I can't wait for a few months when it will be finished!

And I've been waking up and actually getting ready for work. Picking out cute outfits and making sure my hair and make-up are done.

And guess what? My attitude really has improved. I've stopped talking down to myself and (tried) to stop comparing myself to others. I'm trying to use my self-talk to focus on what I do well instead of the things that I need to work on.

It's a constant battle but I'll take a small victory.

Guess how many nieces/nephews I had exactly three years ago from today...

If you happened to guess zero, you would be right on.

Then these two were finally adopted into our family...



And right after that, Brandon decided to have one of his own and he and Jessica welcomed this one into the world...



And a year later almost to that day, Chelsey and Chris decided to jump on the wagon and welcomed this little redheaded one...



Then Brittany was feeling a little left out, so she and Jerry had this sweet one 4 months later...



Around this time, Brandon and Jessica were thinking maybe they needed another one, so another 4 months later and...



Then Chelsey and Chris decided they might as well go for round 2, so 7 months later we were introduced to this one...



And you can guess who had some big news over Christmas. Brittany and Jerry are expecting again.

Oh wait, except to beat out the competition they figured they might as well go for 2 at once. That's right people, we have some twins on the way.

Welcome nieces/nephews 8 and 9.

Happy Wednesday Thoughts

1. My car is finished! And back in my hands! And beautiful. It took 8 weeks and a lot of tears and stress but it's officially over.

2. I may or may not be reconsidering my career as a counselor and thinking maybe I should become a professional cake decorator. My first attempt at decorating a cake (with some help of course)...


3. I got great news from my sister Brittany...which I'll share with you soon :)

4. I most definitely have the most beautiful and perfect nieces and nephews. Meet the youngest one, Cassidy.


5. I picked out a talk for my Relief Society lesson (President Uchtdorf's talk "Of Things That Matter Most" and realized after reading it that it is totally all about simplifying! Yeah for further inspiration that I have chosen the right word for the year.

6. I am wearing my feather owl necklace, which always makes me smile.


Happy Wednesday!

My car is fixed! Mostly

It looks like I'll have my own car back on Monday. Fingers crossed

Two months without a car really makes you appreciate how nice it is to have one of your own-the freedom and power that comes with having a car to yourself. Just pray that my car lasts years without having to get anymore repairs.

So in celebration of having my car back (almost) and in simplifying my life, I have decided to finish my monthly music countdown. Which has taken me 3.5 months to complete. But complete it I will!

Day 28 - A song that makes you feel guilty


This song makes me feel guilty for all the times that I haven't treated people the way I should have. For all the people that I should have reached out to and befriended and didn't.

Day 29 - A song from your childhood


Day 30 - Your favorite song at this time last year


I love the line "every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end". Perfect for starting out a new year.

And I'm done! Something to cross off my list. Hooray!

Don't worry, I'm sick again. This time with a completely unwelcome cold that primarily involves congestion and runny noses and sneezing fits. Plus some over active tear ducts thrown in.

But I'll take a cold any day of the week over a nasty stomach flu so I'm surviving. Plus I have to be at work this week anyway since I took all of last week off so I have no choice to survive.

And speaking of surviving-I've been taking many trips to the doctor lately to see if they can figure out what is wrong with me (even though maybe it would actually take a trip to a psychiatrist to truly figure out what is wrong with me!). To make a long story short-I have stomach problems that have been plaguing me for years and on top of that I have some beautiful pitting edema (swelling that leaves imprints when pressed in) on my legs. Which apparently is not a good thing. Who knew?

The truth is that they have no idea what is wrong and I just keep getting more blood work to find out a whole lot of nothing. Except that my doctor did just inform me that my stress hormone is really high.

Could it be from working too much? Commuting long hours to work? Not knowing what is going on with my body? Drama with friends? The uncertainty of the future?

Probably all of those. But in an effort to have a better year this year than last year, I decided that I need to figure out a way to de-stress.

So I turned to one of my very favorite blogs found here.

Bekah has been my friends for years and years. Definitely my friend who I have kept contact with the longest. She is strong and smart and kind and creative and loving. Basically an example of the kind of person I want to "grow up" to be!

And I noticed whilst reading her blog that she picked out a word for the year. A word to focus on and work on. A word that means something to her.

Since making new year's resolutions always stress me out a little (or realizing that I failed to complete them yet again stresses me out a lot) and I am on strict doctor's orders not to stress, I decided that this year I would also pick a word. Just one word that I can work on.

And my word is:



And don't worry, right after I chose the word, I walked into a store and it was the first word that I saw. How is that for reinforcement/divine intervention?

This year I'm working on simplifying my life-my relationships, my thoughts, my goals, my house. Everything.

I think it's finally a resolution I can stick with.

Christmas was wonderful. I got to see all of my immediate family and a good portion of my extended family. Plus they all came to Utah this year so I didn't even have to worry about driving the 6 hours to an airport and then flying the 5 hours across country. Instead I just had to worry about the driving part. Except it was more like front seat riding part because my car is still not fixed (I know, I know...we are coming on 7 weeks on Tuesday from when I hit the deer. The joys of living in a small town). But I made it.

And it was fun. Until all the kids started getting the stomach flu.

Then guess what came to visit me on Saturday night? A nice little flu bug. Which has lasted pretty much this whole week. But finally today I'm feeling like myself. I'm up. And showered. And at work. So I would say I'm officially on the mend.

Hooray!

Which means you will be seeing more of me around this blog (hopefully). And I have big plans. Just you wait.